AntiGravity Falls
by MagicMoneyPants
Summary: Based off the age-reversed AntiGravity AU. Where Wendy and Soos are twelve, and the twins are fifteen. Find out what kind of rollicking adventures these rapscallions get into!
1. Roadside Distractions

**This story is based off the age-reversed _AntiGravity AU._ Wendy and Soos are twelve, and the twins are fifteen. **

* * *

><p><strong>AntiGravity Falls<strong>

Summer break. A time to relax, hang out, and take it easy. And Wendy Corduroy couldn't be more bored. It wasn't that she minded time off from classes, but being the tallest kid in her grade, coupled with braces and freckles, didn't exactly make her the most popular kid in school. In fact, it made her the second least popular. The least popular kid being her best friend Soos.

Soos was chubby, awkward, and eternally optimistic. The taunts from bullies never really bothered him (especially after they learned about Wendy's mean uppercut), he preferred to look on the bright side of things. And the bright side of this summer was the fact that he got a job at the Mystery Shack. He loved that place and its owner. Stan Pines didn't mind the affection Soos showed him, especially since it meant he could hire the boy as an 'unpaid apprentice.'

With her only real friend working, Wendy didn't have much to do. That's how she wound up spending most of her days at the Shack. It seemed like it was going to be another boring summer, that is, until Stan's great niece and nephew came to town.

**Roadside Distractions**

It was a typical day at the Mystery Shack. Wendy was sweeping the floors, Soos was installing some new shelves with Mabel steadying the step ladder for him, and Dipper was reading a thick book while manning the cash register of the empty gift shop.

After finishing a tour Stan walked into the shack carrying a bundle of planks, "Alright people, I need one of you to hang up these signs in the spooky part of the woods."

"Not it." The twins said in unison, followed shortly after by Wendy.

"I'll do it!" Soos shouted, eager to please.

"Get back to work Soos."

"Yes sir, Mr. Pines!" Answered the twelve year old, returning his attention to the rickety shelving.

"Alright, let's see. Eeny-meeny-miny… You." Stan pointed to Wendy.

"Aww, do I have to?" She whined. "It always feels like someone's watching me out there."

"Hey, I let you hang around here all day without even charging you. The least you could do is help out a little."

Wendy grumbled, but picked up the signs none the less. It was then that Stan looked at his nephew (who had gone back to reading) and said, "Dipper, you go with her. Make sure she doesn't slack off."

"Seriously Gruncle Stan?" Dipper groaned. "Do you really want Mabel working the register after what happened last time?"

**…..**

_"You get a free keychain! And you get a free keychain! Everyone gets a free keychain!"_

**…..**

"You make a valid point." Stan said, steepling his fingers together. "Let me offer this as a rebuttal: _Get yer keister outta here!"_

Dipper huffed while getting off his stool and slinging on his backpack. "C'mon kiddo, let's get this over with." Gesturing for Wendy to follow.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Why does Stan even want signs out here?" Wendy asked. "There's not even a path."

"He says it's to attract lost hikers." Dipper told her. "He says they'll buy almost anything if you promise they can use your phone."

The duo had wandered a fair distance into the woods, hanging crudely made signs along the way. Despite her earlier protests, Wendy found that she didn't really mind the work, it wasn't so bad with someone there to talk to. She liked Dipper, he was kind of a dork, but also kind of cool. He was fun to hang out with (not the same kind of fun as Mabel, but a calmer, more laid back kind of fun). And, despite their age difference, he didn't talk down to her or treat her like a little kid.

Wendy was about to drive a nail into another tree when Dipper stopped her. "Don't put one on that tree, use another one."

"Why?"

"Uh…" Dipper rubbed the back of his head trying to come up with an excuse. "Because it's too close to the other signs. Yeah. We don't want them all bunched together."

The preteen looked behind her at the work they'd done so far. This tree didn't look any closer than the rest were, but moved to a different pine. It may have been the generations of lumberjacks in her blood, but something about that tree didn't seem right anyway, it felt out of place. She shrugged off the feeling and continued her work.

The two had almost finished their job when they heard faint cries of distress coming from the Shack. "_Dipper! I need you back on register. Mabel's been giving discounts to customers again!_"

"Looks like I'm needed elsewhere." The teen said while looking to Wendy. "Think you can finish up here?"

"Sure, no problem." She said. There were only three or four more signs anyway.

"_Hurry Dipper! She just gave away a bumper sticker!"_

"See you back at the Shack squirt." Dipper gave her a playful punch on the shoulder before running off to save his uncle from Mabel's generous nature.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wendy struck her last nail with the hammer, but the cheap metal bent into a useless angle. Muttering, the girl tried to find a replacement, only to see that Dipper had left his backpack behind. Figuring that was the most likely place for the teen to keep an extra box of nails, she opened it to explore the contents. There weren't any nails, but the pack was filled with notebooks and loose paper. One book in particular stood out. It was older than the rest, and bound in red leather. Her curiosity overpowering her concern for privacy, Wendy reached in and grabbed it.

A six fingered hand and a number_** 3** _were all the cover offered. Cracking it open she began to read:

_June 18,_

_It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began researching the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon…_

It was some kind of journal. The author described all sorts of bizarre creatures and phenomena. It was completely ridiculous of course, Wendy had lived here her entire life and had never witnessed any of this stuff. But as she kept reading she began to wonder if she knew this town as well as she thought. Somehow things started making more sense. Those feelings of being watched, glimpses of something out of the corner of your eye, stories kids and crazy old people tell, those dreams that seem so real that you have to convince yourself they actually _were_ dreams.

She flipped to the last page with writing on it, "_In Gravity Falls there is no one you can trust."_ A shiver rolled down her spine. Was all this true? Is this what Dipper and Mabel did when they snuck off into the wood, why they came back looking disheveled and bruised? Were they out hunting monsters? _No one you can trust._ This thing was written thirty years ago, how does Dipper have it? _No one you can trust._ Why hasn't he told everyone about this? Who else knows? _No one you can trust._ What else are they hiding?

"'Sup Dawg!" Soos shouted as he jumped up from behind the log Wendy was crouched beside.

The girl let out a surprised squawk, and nearly lost her grip on the journal. "Soos! What are you doing here?"

"Lookin' for you dude." He said. "Whatcha' reading?"

"I-it's nothing."

"Aww, come on, you can show me!" Soos' curiosity was clear in his voice, but Wendy still seemed reluctant. "Dude, it's me, Soos. We tell each other everything!"

Wendy glanced around before saying, "Let's go somewhere more private."

::::::::::::::::

Back at the Shack Wendy snuck Dipper's backpack under the register and pulled Soos into the living room. When she was sure they were alone Wendy explained about the journal, its strange contents, and cryptic warning.

"Whoa, no way!" Soos exclaimed.

"This explains the whole creepy vibe Gravity Falls has around it." Wendy continued. "But I don't know why Dipper has it, or what he's using it for."

"Do you think they use the book to go out and fight monsters and stuff?"

"Maybe."

"That's awesome!" Soos shouted. "They're like the _Mystery Twins_ or something!"

"Don't call them that." Wendy deadpanned.

"But don't you think you should give Dipper back the journal? It is his after all."

"I know. I will. I just need to figure out what all this means."

Their conversation was interrupted when the doorbell rang. Wendy asked, "Who's that?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you!" Soos said, switching gears. "I made a new friend! She's coming over to hang out."

"A new friend?" Wendy quirked an eyebrow at the news.

The doorbell rang again and Soos ran out of the room. Wendy sat on the recliner to read through the journal, when Stan walked in. "Hey kiddo, whatcha reading?"

Wendy jumped in surprise and shoved the journal under a cushion. She grabbed blindly at the end table and brought whatever was there to her face. "Oh, I was just checking out uhh… _The Sibling Brothers in The Case of the Caper-Case Caper_?_"_

"Yeesh, you've been spending too much time with Dipper. That kid's rubbing off on you."

"Hey dudes. I'd like you all to meet my new friend." Soos ran back into the room pulling a girl behind him. She was taller than Soos and maybe a year or two older. She wore tight jeans and a black hoodie that covered most of her head. What could be seen of her hair was dyed purple, the same color as her makeup.

Wendy cocked an eyebrow. Not really knowing what to make of this new girl she just said, "Hey."

"How's it hangin'?" Stan added.

"'Sup." Was the only response they got.

"So, what's your name?" Wendy asked.

The girl looked panicked for a moment, her eyes darting around the room as if searching for something. They finally landed on the entrance to the gift shop. "I'm… Door… uhh…"

"She means Dora." Soos explained.

"Is that blood dripping from your mouth Dora?"

Again she stiffened in panic before saying, "It's fruit punch."

"All right! I love fruit punch." Soos was practically jumping now. "Do you like it in box or pouch form?"

"Umm… Box?"

"Nice." Soos offered his fist for her to bump, but when she just stared at it in confusion he gave her a gentle jab to the arm instead.

"So… Do you wanna go do… Stuff?"

"Dude, I love stuff!" Grabbing Dora's arm Soos turned to leave shouting, "See you guys later!"

Something seemed off about that girl, but Wendy wasn't sure what. Deciding the most responsible thing to do would be to voice her concerns to the nearest adult, she turned to Stan and said, "Did any of that seem strange to you?"

"I'll say it was strange…"

Wendy was surprised that Stan actually noticed something wrong, with his help she could make sure her friend didn't get into any trouble. Now all she had to do was-

"…_Soos _got himself a _girlfriend_." And there it was. "I never thought I'd live to see the day."

::::::::::::::::::::::::

Since being responsible didn't work, Wendy decided to do the practical thing instead and take matters into her own hands. Retreating to the second floor she consulted the journal, nothing matched until she found one entry:

_This species of demon feeds off the life force of humans (particularly males). She will bind herself to a host, changing her appearance and personality to become irresistible to that individual. Once under her sway, the host will be slowly drained of energy over the course of days or weeks. If the demon is not exorcised the host will _die_._

_Beware the __**Succubi**__ of Gravity Falls!_

"No way." Wendy gasped. "Could it really be true?"

"Oh it could. It very could." A voice sounded behind her. "What are we talking about again?"

"Mabel!" Wendy screamed in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"My bedroom is over there." She said, pointing to the adjoining attic room.

"Oh. Sorry."

"Aww, that's okay." Mabel ruffled up the younger girl's pig-tails. "I talk to myself alone in dark rooms all the time. Don't let anyone try to convince you it's creepy. Now, what's the problem here?"

"You've seen Soos' girlfriend right?"

"Yep-yep."

"I think she might be a succubus."

Instead of the laughter and insults Wendy expected, Mabel adopted a thoughtful look. "Yeah, I could see that being the case."

"Really? You believe me?"

"Sure, I've dealt with succubusses before."

"You have?" Wendy couldn't believe it. Maybe the twins really were monster hunters.

"Oh, wait. Are we talking about succubi figuratively or literally here?"

"Uh… literally?"

"Hmm. Okay, then I haven't dealt with succubi before." Mabel's face turned thoughtful again. "You should really be talking to Dipper about this, it's kinda his thing."

"No!" Wendy could feel the journal pressing against her back where she had hidden it. "Um, I mean, I want to keep this low key, ya know? For Soos' sake."

"Good point. When you're messing with stuff like this you've gotta be sure you're right before you jump into things. Otherwise you just wind up in Canada having to win a dogsled race against an evil space lizard."

"Wait. What?"

"So what proof do you have so far?"

"Well, I've got a bad feeling about her in the pit of my stomach."

"That's a good start. But it could also just mean you're constipated. You're gonna need something more substantial if you want people to believe you."

"You're right Mabel, as always."

Their conversation was interrupted by Stan shouting from downstairs, "Mabel! Get down here and keep this pig under control before I make him into bacon!"

"I must go now. My people need me." With that the teen marched out of the room, leaving Wendy to contemplate how to get proof of Dora's true nature.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Seeing no other options, Wendy tailed Soos and Dora on their date. Soos was bringing her to all his favorite hangouts:

The laser-tag place: They tied for last place.

The arcade: She was surprisingly good at the antiquated fighting games.

The diner: She nearly ripped the door off the building, but didn't order anything.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wendy was at a loss. Nothing about the girl was right, but she still had no hard evidence. It looked like she'd have to confront Soos, and hope he'd understand. She found her friend in the attic changing lightbulbs.

"Soos, we need to talk."

"What's up?" He set his work aside.

"It's about Dora. I don't think she is what she seems."

"What do you mean?"

"I think she might be one of these." Wendy lifted up the journal for Soos to read the page.

"Barf Fairy?" Soos said incredulously. "That sounds awesome!"

"Wait, wait. Sorry." Wendy quickly turned to the right page.

"A succubus? ...That sounds awesome!"

"It's not awesome! It's a horrible demon that wants to suck the life out of you!"

"Aww, Dora wouldn't do anything like that. She's cool."

"That's just her way of luring you into her trap!"

"No way, she's rad. I bet you two would get along great. In fact we're hanging out again later, you should come with us."

This floored Wendy for a moment. "Uh… I don't really think I want to come with you two on one of your dates."

"Dates?" Soos laughed. "We're not dating, we're just buds."

"Then why were you guys doing all that dating stuff?"

"Laser-tag is date stuff?"

"Look, that doesn't matter. What matters is your life's in danger, just look what the journal says."

"I don't know dude. I think that book has gone to your head." Soos spoke with genuine concern. "Maybe you should just give that thing back to Dipper."

Wendy looked at the book in her hands then back at her friend, unsure of what to say.

"I'm meeting Dora around four if you change your mind about hanging out with us." Soos packed up his tools and left the attic.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Maybe Soos was right. Maybe there really wasn't anything wrong with Dora. Wendy had recorded everything that afternoon, hoping she'd catch proof of her claim. But even replaying it there was nothing. Just Soos and Dora hanging out. Soos looking tired and drained. Dora staring at Soos while his back is turned, her eyes glowing an unnatural shade of purple. Wait, what?

Wendy rewound the tape and looked again. Her eyes were _glowing_, if that wasn't proof she didn't know what was. She had to show Soos before he left. She looked at the clock _4:15_, she was too late.

The girl ran out of the Shack calling Soos' name. She had no idea where to look. That's when Dipper drove the golf cart up to the porch. Wendy ran over to him panting.

"Dipper! Dipper! Have you seen Soos?"

"Yeah, he and his girlfriend just headed into the woods. Why?" He said as he got out.

"Dora's a succubus and I need to take the cart to save him!"

Dipper stared at her for a beat then said, "Are we talking literally or figuratively here?"

"Uh… Literally."

The teen groped in his pocket and pulled out a small spray bottle. "You'll need holy water then."

"Why do you have holy water in your pocket?" Wendy asked, taking the spritzer.

"No reason." He said while his eyes darted back and forth. The boy tossed her the keys to the cart and went inside before she could ask any more questions.

As she was pulling out of the property she was stopped by Mabel who handed her a baseball bat. "Take this in case she's not a monster, and just a jerk."

"Um… Thanks." Wendy took the club and drove past the waving Mabel. _Man, those twins are really weird._

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dora had invited Soos to take a walk through the woods with her. The boy had never really been a fan of _walking_, but he didn't want to disappoint his new friend. Besides, she'd promised him a surprise at the end.

"So Dora," Soos said, more out of breath than usual. "What did you want to show me out here in this secluded forest with no one around to see or hear anything that happens?"

The girl turned away and took a deep breath, "Soos, now that we've gotten to know each other, there's something I need to tell you."

"Sure dawg, you can tell me whatever."

"I'm not who I've said I was. I am…" She pause and a bright purple flash blinded the preteen. "The leader of the Fairies!"

When Soos' vision cleared he saw a dozen tiny figures floating in front of him. Each one glowed a different color of the rainbow, and tiny sparkles fell from their wings.

"I am Cindy." The purple one said. "And my people have long been searching for one like you."

"Um… Okay."

"And now that we've dated for a while, I'd like to ask you to marry us, and become our king."

"Whoa, whoa. Hold on a sec. Dated? I thought we were just hangin' out as buds?"

"B-but the laser-tag…" Cindy started to sniffle.

"Aww man, don't cry." Soos didn't mean to hurt the little creatures. "I really did have fun with you guys. But marriage is kinda like, a big deal. Ya know? Plus I'm twelve, so I'm pretty sure that would be illegal."

"So, in time you may learn to love us?"

"Uh, sure dude. Maybe." The boy reluctantly agreed.

"Oh Soos! You've made me so happy I could- _BLARG!"_ Foul smelling glittery liquid erupted from the fairy's mouth. As if it were a signal, the other miniature humanoids puked as well, the contents of their stomachs glowing the same color as their auras.

"Eew." Soos cringed. "But also kinda cool."

"Thank you Soos." Cindy continued. "We will now take you back to our glade where you can complete your larval stage and marry us when you've grown."

"Huh?"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Trees blurred past Wendy as she raced through the forest. She had no idea where she was going, but she needed to get there fast. At any moment her best friend could be drained of his life force and left to whither into dust.

"Help!"

There in the distance, she could hear Soos calling.

"Help!"

Wendy turned a sharp left and drove into a bright meadow. There was Soos surrounded by colorful motes of light. He was encased in some kind of slimy green cocoon hanging from a tree. Every now and then one of the dots of light would release a _Blargh!_ sound and another layer of gooey resin would be added to his prison.

The preteen slammed on the breaks and stared at the scene in front of her. She was only snapped out of her shock when Soos said, "Wendy, Wendy! Dora turned out to be a bunch of Barf Fairies! It was cool at first, but now it's just really gross!"

"Barf Fairies? Dang, I was way off." Wendy pulled out the journal, but the entry on the little creatures was of no help. "Hey! You guys let go of my friend!"

Cindy turned around to face the intruder. "Oh, don't worry! Everything is fine. We're just cocooning him until he completes his metamorphosis and can become our king."

Wendy had no idea how to respond to that. She had come expecting to fight off an evil demoness, but apparently her friend was being forced to marry a colony of tiny winged humanoids with IBS. "You can't do that!"

"Yeah!" Agreed Soos.

"You dare challenge the might of the Fairies?" Shouted Cindy, flying close to the redhead's face.

Not really knowing what else to do, Wendy took the bottle of holy water out of her pocket and started spritzing the purple creature.

"Hey, stop that!" Cindy whined. "Ack, my hair!"

Wendy kept spraying, the water eventually weighing down the fairy's wings enough that she fell to the ground. Grabbing the bat she ran over to the cocoon and swung at it like a piñata. As soon as Soos fell to earth she grabbed his arm and dragged him to the cart. Wendy floored the gas pedal and turned towards Shack.

"You think you can get away that easily girl?" Cindy cried. "Fairies! Swarm! Swarm!"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hurry up Dude! Before they catch up!" Soos shook Wendy's arm as the path they were on grew wider.

"Calm down!" Wendy pushed him off herself. "They're the size of bugs. How fast can they be?"

As she spoke a shadow fell across the cart, as if the cloudless sky suddenly became overcast. The pair looked up to see thousands of fairies hovering above them, blocking out the sun.

"Oh dang." Wendy almost-swore.

Soos just covered his eyes and whimpered while snapping a few pictures with his cellphone.

"Give back our king, or suffer the consequences!" Cindy shouted from above.

Putting her entire weight on the accelerator, Wendy drove off the path and began weaving through the trees, trying to shake of the pursuers. It did no good, the Barf Fairies glided between the trees like water. The magic beings kept pace with the preteens, but made no sign of attacking. Until Wendy heard the command, "Ready… Release!"

_BLARGH!_

Vomit fell from the sky in a torrential rain. If the smell alone wasn't enough to make the kids sick, then the sound of the bile hitting the carts roof was. However, their nausea was quickly surpassed by fear as the sparkling fluid began eating away at the canopy above their heads. Their only protection was dissolving before their eyes, and it became apparent that they'd need more than a shower if they got the stinky goop on their skin.

"Release!"

_BLARGH!_

Wendy turned a hard right to avoid the onslaught.

"Release!"

_BLARGH!_

Left. There was a clearing ahead and… Yes! The Shack. If they could just make it inside.

"Release!"

_BLARGH!_

Their tactic had changed. Instead of bombing the kids the fairies retched ahead of them, making a slick Wendy couldn't avoid. The cart skid through the puke and spun out as all four tires burst. The duo were thrown from the vehicle and forced against a wall by the closing army.

"Give it up girl." Demanded Cindy. "Return our king or perish!"

"No! He's not your frickin' king man!" Still holding the bat Mabel gave her, Wendy lashed out in front of her. But it was like trying to hit smoke.

"Alright, you asked for it." A group of fairies had positioned themselves above the redhead and looked ready to spew.

"Wait!" Soos pushed himself against Wendy, making it impossible to hit one without the other. "I'll do it Cindy. I'll marry you guys. Just let my friend go."

"Soos! What are you doing?" The girl hissed.

"It's okay Wendy, I got this."

"But-"

"Just trust me, okay?" Soos put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a pleading look.

_No one you can trust._

_No one you can trust. _

_No one you can trust._

"Okay Soos, I trust you." Hands raised, Wendy backed away from her friend.

"Alright Cindy, I'm ready."

"Yes! All right!" The purple fairy shouted. "Let's get you back in your cocoon babe."

"Sure thing." Soos paused for a moment. "Oh wait! I forgot I promised to fix this thing for Mr. Pines. You mind if I do that real quick?"

Cindy crossed her arms and huffed, but said, "Fine. As long as you're quick."

On a nearby picnic table was what looked like and electric lantern. Soos picked it up and started fiddling with it with a screwdriver. Once he was satisfied he set it down and picked up an extension cord off the ground. He plugged the thing in and let out a, "Yus!" as it hummed and glowed blue.

"Okay. I'm done." The boy turned back to his captors, but Cindy paid him no mind. She and all the other fairies stared at the blue glow.

"It's beautiful." The leader of the swarm flew closer to the device and reached out her hand, yearning to touch the divine light before her. _ZAP!_ She was gone in a puff of ash.

The fairies furthest away from the bug zapper screamed in terror, but those flying closer couldn't resist the siren call of the buzz, or the hypnotic beauty of the light. More and more flew towards it, only to disintegrate with a _CRACK!_ Those far enough to resist finally realized they couldn't pull their doomed comrades away, lest they too fall victim to its deadly enchantment. To this day the Barf Fairies of Gravity Falls tell the story of the _King Who Was Stolen_, and the _Blue God of Death_ who took him as a husband.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

When all the fairies were gone Wendy turned to her friend, "Soos, that was amazing!" She grabbed him into a hug. "How did you know the bug zapper would work?"

"Oh, I didn't." He admitted. "I had this totally different plan going when I noticed I still needed to fix that thing. I guess we were just lucky. It's a good thing too. Looking back, I'm not really sure how I was gonna teach all those squirrels to parachute."

Wendy buried her face in her palm and just patted her friend on the shoulder, "I'm glad you're safe Soos."

::::::::::::::::::::::

The Shack's gift shop was empty save for Dipper reading one of his mystery novels behind the counter. All Wendy wanted to do right now was sit in front of the TV for a few hours and decompress. She hoped the teen would just ignore them as they walked passed. No such luck, "So how'd that thing with the succubus go?"

Wendy tried to come up with a noncommittal response, but Soos cut her off, "Oh dude, it was so cool! Turns out Dora wasn't a teenager or a succubutt, she was a bunch of Barf Fairies in a girl suit!"

"Barf Fairies?" Dipper cocked an eyebrow. "How'd that turn out?"

"Aw man, it was so cool! I mean, it was super gross and scary, but it was so cool!" Soos went on to narrate their adventure.

"So how'd you guys get away?"

"Bug zapper dude." Answered Soos. "Turns out it's like, a bug zapper to them."

The teen adopted a thoughtful expression, "Makes sense. Good to know."

Soos bounded off to the next room and Wendy began to follow.

"Hey Wendy." Dipper called. His voice was its usual amiable tone, but the redhead couldn't help but think there was accusation behind it. "Thanks for bringing my backpack back here, I forgot I left it in the woods."

"Oh sure, no problem." She began to edge towards the door.

"Before you go. You haven't seen an old book around here, have you?"

"Book?" Her cheeks started to turn red.

"Yeah. I lost it earlier and haven't been able to find it." He wasn't glaring, he wasn't even frowning at her, but he had a knowing look on his face. It's as if his eyes were saying, _I know you took it. There's no point in lying. Just fess up and hand it over._

Wendy hung her head in shame and walked up to the counter. She took the journal from under her flannel and slid it across the counter. "I didn't mean to take it, but when I looked at it I got curious and things started making sense, and I was gonna give it back, but then the thing with Soos happened, and… well… yeah…"

She felt like a jerk. That book said there was no one you could trust, and she just proved it right. No one's going to trust the girl who goes through people's private junk and takes their stuff. Bracing herself for the disappointed stare of the older boy, Wendy looked up. Dipper was smiling. He flipped through the pages of his journal, giving no indication that he had even listened to her.

Apparently satisfied with the condition of his book, he set it down and smirked at the redhead in front of him. "So. You ever think your home town was weird before today?"

Taken aback by his nonchalance, Wendy just shook her head.

"What do you think now?"

"I think," She paused, choosing her words carefully. "I think there's a lot going on around here that people don't know about. And I wanna find out what."

Dipper seemed lost in thought for a moment, lightly tapping his fingers on the book. Apparently he came to a decision when he smiled at the shorter girl and slid the journal back across the counter to her. "In that case, maybe you should hang on to this."

"Really?" Her eyes widened as she reached out to grab it.

"Yes. But…" Dipper pressed down on the cover, preventing her from picking it up. "If I'm gonna let you keep it, we've gotta set up some ground rules."

"Of course. Anything."

"First off: No raising the dead. Second: No summoning demons. And third-" He leaned closer, looking at her eye-to-eye. "Keep me in the loop. This stuff can be dangerous. Some of it is _really_ dangerous. Don't just run off into the woods without telling me your plans. The info in that journal can keep you safe, but it can also get you into trouble."

He took his hand off the book and Wendy clutched it to her chest like a sacred relic. "Thanks Dipper. I promise I won't mess up." She thought for a moment and said, "But won't you need it? I see you and Mabel sneaking into the forest all the time."

"Naw, we'll be okay." Said the teen. "I've got notes and practically have it memorized anyway. Besides, I don't think either of us is going anywhere soon. If I need it, I'll know where to go."

He gave her a wink, and she gave him a brace filled smile before running out the door to tell Soos the good news. Wendy may still be the second least popular kid in school, but Dipper and Mabel didn't go to her school, did they? This summer she and Soos had two more friends, and two people they could trust.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"So you let her keep the journal?" Mabel sat on her bed, brushing her long curly hair.

"Yeah. I mean, they know this stuff is out there now, which means they'd go looking for it with or without the journal." Dipper neatened a stack of papers lying on his nightstand. "I'd rather they have it and be safe."

It was late and the twins were already in their pajamas, preparing for bed. Dipper was collecting a bundle of notebooks and loose-leaf paper. Mabel finished with her hair and put in her retainer.

"It still sounds risky to me."

"I know. But we'll be there to keep an eye on them. And we were only twelve when we started all this." Dipper walked over to his closet, pushing some clothes out of the way.

"I guess." Mabel snuggled under her covers. "Does this mean you're gonna let them in on everything? Tell them what's going on?"

Frowning, Dipper shook his head. "No. As much as I hate to admit it, Gruncle Stan is right. Some secrets just shouldn't be told."

Pulling a chain from around his neck, the teen revealed an old brass key that had hidden under his shirt. He set it in a nearly invisible hole at the back of his closet, and turned until there was a click. A false-wall swung forward revealing a series of shelves and cubbies on which were all manner of strange and magical items. Jars and potions were neatly labeled. Teeth, bones, and other specimens each had their own place. One cubby held an apparently normal flashlight with a crystal attached to it, another had a b-movie styled ray-gun and a series of glass cylinders. On the floor was the severed head of a wax Larry King. The top shelf is where Dipper put his stack of papers, next to them were two books bound in shabby red leather marked _**1**_ and _**2**_.


	2. All That Glitters Is Not Goldie

**Thank you to everyone for the kind reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy this story.**

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**.**

**All That Glitters Is Not Goldie**

**.**

The workday was over at the Mystery Shack. Soos and Wendy were in the living room watching TV (Stan had given up on trying to get the kids to leave after closing. They'd just play around on the lawn, even if he turned the sprinklers on them). Just as Duck-tective was about to reveal the murderer's identity, the duo heard a crash from down the hall. Mabel came running into the room beaming, "Hey guys! Guess what I just found!"

"A giant robot!"

"A magic amulet!"

"A frozen body!"

"A cursed videogame!"

"A dinosaur!"

"A secret door!"

"Nope-a-million!" Mabel said. "Oh wait, except for that last one. It's a secret door."

Mabel led the preteens through the halls and explained her discovery. "I was looking for some art supplies I'd left here last year, when I found it. It was behind some boxes that just fell over for no reason, certainly not because I was standing on them."

"What's going on?" The trio jumped when Dipper walked up behind them, sipping a soda.

"I found a hidden room!" Mabel answered, looking past her brother she saw Stan join them as well.

"Another one?" Dipper asked. "How many does that make now?"

"Four I think." Replied Mabel. "Unless you count the crawlspace where we found that mummified rat."

"Ah, good ol' Mumm-Rat! Always a crowd pleaser." Stan said, referring to the dried rodent in pharaoh's garb currently displayed in the museum.

"So what's in there?" Asked Wendy.

Mabel opened the door and the kids looked inside. Behind them Stan explained, "This is just a storage room where I keep the busted attractions and merch I can't sell."

The old man turned on the light and the cramped room became visible. Fake monsters, even shabbier than the ones on display, were piled together haphazardly. There were stacks of boxes everywhere, some filled with ugly t-shirts, others with defective novelties. One box was full of calendars from 2003, apparently the twelve month _Mr. Mystery Swimsuit Edition _didn't go over too well.

"Some of this stuff is pretty cool." Soos said.

"If you say so." Mabel dropped a calendar with a shudder.

"Hey what's this?" Soos asked, tugging at something stuck under a hugag.

Wendy went over to help, but screamed and dragged her friend away, "_Kill it! Kill it!_"

The others ran over. Dipper and Mabel both recoiled, but Stan looked pleased. "It's old Goldie!" He pulled it out the rest of the way and set it on the floor.

"What- what is that thing?" Wendy was standing behind Mabel, her hand still clutching Soos, ready to pull him out of the room if the monstrosity attacked.

"He's Goldie the prospector! You give him a nickel, he gives you a gold nugget. The kids love him! Why did I ever stick him back here?" Stan pushed a coin through the slot in the things mouth. It made a few stilted motions before releasing a terrible wail as black gunk oozed from its eyes. "Oh yeah, that's why. The piece of junk's busted."

"And horrifying!" Shouted Wendy. The twins nodded in agreement.

Soos, on the other hand, looked the thing over and said, "Y'know, I bet I could fix it up. Get him working like normal."

"Really?"

"Sure! Shouldn't be too hard. I think."

"Haha! I knew there was a reason I kept you around!" Stan gave the boy a noogie. "You fix him up, and he'll be back to ripping off children, just like the old days!"

Wendy exchanged a glance with the teens. At least they were as freaked out by the thing as her.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

For the rest of the day, Soos worked on Goldie. Wendy spent the afternoon with the twins since she couldn't stand being in the same room as the hideous prospector. Especially after Soos took its casings off, and the thing started screeching nonstop for an hour. When the sun went down the two twelve year olds left for their respective homes.

The next morning Wendy entered the gift shop a little after _10:00. _Soos had already been there for hours (which wasn't unusual), and by now Goldie was almost rebuilt. The boy had disassembled, cleaned, adjusted, and reassembled the entire contraption. When Stan, Dipper, and Mabel walked into his workroom, he was just screwing the panels back on the base.

"Holy moly! He hasn't looked this good since I bought him!" Stan exclaimed. "But, does he work?"

The old man produced a nickel and fed it to the machine. With a smooth whir of gears, the prospector lifted his hat, moved his arms, and allowed a stone to drop into his gold pan. Soos beamed with pride at his handiwork.

"Ha! Ya did it kid!" Stan scooped the boy up into a one-armed hug. "You are now officially my favorite! Mabel, you've got a lot of catching up to do. Dipper, you're now tied with the goat."

The teens rolled their eyes and left the room grumbling. Wendy stayed behind and, once Stan went back to work, gave her friend a high five. "Nice work dude!"

"Aww, it was nothing." Soos blushed from the praise, but couldn't remove the grin from his face.

"Just one thing." Wendy said. "I thought he was supposed to give out gold nuggets, that's just a rock."

"Oh, yeah. I didn't have any kind of nuggets, so I just filled the little compartment in there with gravel." Soos explained. "This was just a demo anyway. I'm sure Mr. Pines has some gold for Goldie to give out."

Satisfied, Wendy pulled her friend out of the room, the coin operated man still giving her the creeps.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

That night, as the twins were brushing their teeth, they heard their uncle scream in panic. When they rushed to the living room they found their Gruncle kneeling on the floor weeping. The siblings couldn't get a coherent response out of him, but they didn't have to: Goldie was gone. All that remained was his wooden base, broken wires sticking up from where the metal man had crouched.

"He's gone." Stan was finally able to murmur. "Someone kidnapped him."

"Who would do such a horrible thing?" Mabel asked.

"Who would _want_ such a horrible thing?" Dipper added.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Soos had gone to Wendy's that morning for breakfast (it turns out lumberjacks really do eat lumberjack's breakfasts), and the two walked together to the Mystery Shack. As soon as the place came into view, they knew something had happened. A police car was parked out front, and Stan was standing with a blanket draped over his shoulders and a coffee cup in hand. He was speaking (then yelling) at the sheriff and deputy before the officers drove off. The twins were guiding their Gruncle back to the living room when the preteens entered the building.

"What happened?" Wendy asked.

"Someone took him. He was kidnapped." Growled Stan.

Dipper elaborated. "Goldie. Someone broke in last night and stole it."

"What!?" Soos squawked. He ran over to where Stan stood, and fell to his knees in front of what was left behind. His hard work had been ruined. "No. Who did this?"

"That's what we're gonna find out." Dipper and Mabel swung backpacks onto their shoulders. "The police might've given up, but I haven't."

"Don't worry Gruncle Stan. We'll get him back safe." Mabel assured. "And if we can't, we'll rain fire and blood down upon those responsible."

"Thanks kids. You always know what to say." Stan gave them a brief hug and scooted them out the door.

The teens asked if Wendy and Soos wanted to come along. Wendy was inclined to accept, but she saw the state her friend was in, and knew he needed her by his side. As the older kids walked out the door, the redhead thought she heard Dipper mutter something like, "I've done more police work in three summers than they have in their entire careers. I'll show them adorable."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The rest of the day went by slowly. Stan and Soos spent most of it slumped in the recliner, eating ice cream straight from the carton. Wendy decided to leave her friend and his idol to bond in mourning. She spent her time out front watching over the shop. She didn't think Stan even owned a _Closed_ sign, so she manned the till when the occasional tourist showed up.

It was nearly dusk when the twins returned, dejected and worn out. They'd been all over town but had no luck. They had no leads. They didn't even have a motive: there were so many easier ways for all the people who hated Stan to get back at him.

With an arm around her friend's shoulder, Wendy walked Soos home before calling it a night.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Woodpeckers knocked on trees as the early morning sun lit up the Mystery Shack. Dipper and Mabel had already left, renewing their oath of rescue or vengeance. More tour groups were showing up today, so Stan carried on his role as Mr. Mystery (it's what Goldie would have wanted). With the twins gone, the two twelve year olds were left in charge of the gift shop.

Wendy managed the cash register again, since it required sitting in one place and doing the absolute minimum of work. Soos busied himself with cleaning and restocking the shelves. The redhead noticed her friend lacked his usual energy, but didn't comment. She figured the best thing right now was to keep his mind off his loss.

A tour was in progress so the shop was empty, save for the two kids. Wendy was nodding off at her post when a huge crash startled her. Seeing the source, she ran over shouting, "Soos!"

A wall of shelves had collapsed on the boy, burying him in cheap novelties. Wendy pulled her friend free. He was bruised, but fine.

"What happened?" She asked

"I donno." He said. "I was dusting the shelves when everything just toppled over."

"Weird." Wendy stooped down to examine the wreckage. Like everything in the Shack, the wood was old. The bottom front of the shelf had collapsed in on itself. It didn't seem like something simply dusting would have caused, but maybe her friend was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. After cleaning up, they both got back to work.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

Apparently Soos was always in the wrong place, and the wrong time was all day. Nearly every five minutes he'd trip, or something would fall on him. The boy had never been light on his feet, but this went beyond his usual clumsiness. Wendy started getting suspicious when a stuffed chimera collapsed, and all three of its mouths managed to latch onto him. Even Stan took notice when things started to spontaneously shatter next to the boy.

Stan passed it off as just a string of bad luck, until one of Soos' trips to the floor sent a loose floorboard into his groin. Then he concluded the boy was cursed. After lying down for half an hour, the old man figured he could turn misfortune into profit. Just as any great businessman would.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Step right up, folks!" Stan barked at a crowd. "And be amazed at the world's most unlucky child!"

The con man pulled aside a curtain revealing Soos on a makeshift stage. Behind the boy were a ladder, an open umbrella, and a black cat (one of Mabel's stuffed animals).

"That's right folks. This kid is a lightning rod of misfortune. Don't get to close! Even I wasn't safe from the dark shadow that follows him!" Mr. Mystery gestured at how heavily he was leaning on his cane.

The crowd gasped and started snapping pictures. Soos just stood there feeling awkward.

"Fun fact, folks." Stan continued. "If you throw money, all your bad luck will go with it and latch onto him. You'll only have good luck left!"

"That makes perfect sense!" Someone in the group shouted as they all threw crumpled bills and coins at the boy.

The old codger laughed as the tourists dispersed. He gathered up the money until a stone flew through the air and hit Soos in the gut. "Hey! I said throw money, not rocks!"

Soos was on the floor groaning, clutching his stomach.

"Er. Why don't you take five, kid." Stan said, inching away. "Walk it off, or something."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

By midafternoon the twins had returned. Wendy saw them walk up the path with someone who they ushered through the back door. Curious, the preteen went to find them. In the hallway she heard the parlor door click shut, she tried the handle but it was locked. About to knock, she paused when she made out some muted voices:

_"We know you did it! Tell us the truth!" _That was Mabel.

_"I didn't do anything. I swear!"_ She couldn't recognize that voice. It must be the stranger.

_"LIAR!"_

_ "You'd better answer the questions. You don't want to make my sister here angry, do you?"_ Dipper.

There was some muffled talking, incoherent shouting, then sobbing. The door flew open, and the strange little man who owned the local tabloid ran out. From behind him Mabel hollered, "Get outta here! And don't try ta skip town!"

"Oh, hey Wendy!" When the brunette saw her younger friend a smile replaced her scowl, and it was like the previous altercation never happened.

"Hey squirt. How are Stan and Soos holding up?" Dipper joined the girls in the hall.

"Um… They're doing alright."

"Well, that's better than us." Dipper said. "Another lead. Another dead-end."

Wendy nodded silently as Dipper pulled out a slip of paper and crossed something off.

"We'd better get back out there if we wanna make it through Stan's _Enemies List_." The boy nudged his sister. "I get to play bad-cop this time."

"Aww, boo!" Mabel whined, but followed her twin outside.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Back in the gift shop Wendy took her place at the register. As the girl scooted her stool closer, she kicked something soft.

"Ouch!" Underneath the counter was Soos.

"What are you doing down there?"

"Hiding dude." The boy said. "It's the only safe place I could find!"

"It doesn't seem very safe. Unless you wanna get kicked a lot."

"I can't go anywhere without something bad happening to me. It's like someone's out to get me."

"Soos, you're just having some bad luck. Nobody's out to…" Wendy paused as what she was saying registered. "…get you. Get _you!_ Whoever took Goldie wasn't after Stan. They were trying to hurt you!"

The redhead gripped her friends shoulder and surveyed the empty room. "We gotta get you out of here."

As she pulled him to the door, the boy said, "But who'd want to do anything to me? I'm, like, the loveable comic relief."

"I donno man, but it's the only thing that fits." She grabbed the knob, but it wouldn't budge. Someone didn't want them, or specifically Soos, to leave.

They turned and flew for the house section. The door to the backyard was bolted as well. Wendy dragged Soos into the floor room. The large open space was empty, waiting for the next event or attraction the Mystery Shack would host. Stumbling down the short flight of stairs, the duo ran to the exit. Stuck, like the others. Before they could turn back, the kids heard the door to the hallway slam.

Wendy and Soos turned to face their captor. There, peering at them through the railing, was Goldie.

"He's back?" Soos asked. "But how?"

"Because he never left." Answered Wendy. "Isn't that right, Goldie?"

"What're you talking about dude?"

"Goldie wasn't stolen. He's alive. I knew you couldn't trust anything that creepy." Never taking her eyes of the mechanical prospector, the girl addressed it again. "You were the one tripping up Soos all day. Why?"

"_To get rid of him!"_ He screeched. The thing's voice was like a record being scratched by the needle.

"But why dude?" Soos asked. "I fixed you up. Why do you wanna get rid of me?"

"_Because you are trying to replace me!"_ Goldie howled.

"I don't understand."

"_You are trying to take Stan from me!"_

Losing her patience, Wendy yelled, "What's Stan go to do with any of this?"

"_He is my husband!"_

"What?!" The two preteens shouted with shocked expressions.

Still crouched at the top of the stairs, Goldie explained, "_Three years ago, Stan and I got married in Las Vegas. We were happy together, we were two halves of the same whole, we were going to spend our golden years together. But then something changed. He lost interest. He put me away, and a few years later I find him fawning over some chubby child!"_

"Hey!" Soos shouted. "Wendy's not chubby! That's just baby fat."

The girl elbowed him in the ribs, "He's talking about you, dummy."

"Oh… Hey!"

_ "Enough!" _The brass man screamed. "_I gave you the chance to leave, but you wouldn't go. You clung to him tighter! But after I've killed you, Stan will only have me to love!"_

"Dude. That is all kinds of messed up." Wendy said.

"Yeah. I think you're really, like, misinterpreting the relationship between me and Mr. Pines." Soos added. "Also, have you ever talked to him about any of this? Y'know, gone to couples counseling, or whatever?"

"_Silence! You will die, and I'll have my husband back!" _

Coiled wires writhed like tentacles underneath the prospector, lifting him into the air. He half-slithered, half-walked across the wide room. The two kids tried to put as much distance as they could between themselves and the cursed machine. Wendy looked around desperately for anything to defend themselves with. Table? Too big. Chairs? Maybe, but how much damage could the rickety things do? Fire hose? She didn't think the monster ran on electricity, maybe it would slow it down. Fire axe? _Why the heck hadn't she seen the fire axe first?_!

Wendy left her friend's side and sprinted for the axe. She grabbed it just as she heard a scream. Soos was dangling up-side-down, a tentacle wrapped around his ankles. She ran at Goldie and swung at the offending appendage. Thick black ichor flowed from the wound as Soos fell to the ground. The brass monster screamed in pain and lashed out at both kids. Wendy slashed and batted away any coil that came close to her. Soos, meanwhile, had picked up a chair and was enacting his lifelong dream (since Tuesday) of being a lion tamer.

The kids were wearing Goldie down. His remaining tentacles could barely support him, and he couldn't strike at the preteens without collapsing. Wendy saw their advantage and acted. Lifting her axe high, she threw it overhand as hard as she could. The blade bit into the monster's neck and severed his head completely. The body collapsed into a fit of spasms, as black gore seeped from the gaping wound. A final wail erupted from the head before it was silenced for good.

Exhausted, the kids slumped on the wall behind them. After a minute of silence Soos crossed his arms and said, "I guess that's why they say you should let what happens in Vegas, stay in Vegas."

Wendy just stared at her friend before saying, "Seriously dude? We almost just died."

Kicking at the ground, the boy pouted and said, "Dang it! I never know the right time to deliver a cool one-liner. And I was saving that up through the whole fight too."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Okay. We still haven't found Goldie," Dipper said as he, Mabel, and Stan walked up to the back porch. "But, we did find out some other stuff."

"The owner of _Hermanos Brothers_ has been spitting in your food." Mabel revealed.

"Sprot has been selling you deformed meat."

"The mailman's the one who let that bear in the house."

"Toby Determined has been siphoning gas from your car."

"It was Lazy Susan who sent you that ear in the mail (we still don't know who it belonged to)."

"And we're pretty sure Pizza Guy is planning to kill you."

"Great. Everyone in town is out to get me. Tell me something I don't know." Stan grumbled. "And what the heck's wrong with this door?!"

He finally forced the entrance open with his shoulder. As the trio entered, they saw Soos and Wendy walk out of the floor room.

"What are you two knuckleheads doing?" Stan asked.

Wendy stiffened and stuffed something behind her back. "Nothing! And there's absolutely no reason to go into that room!"

The old man cocked an eyebrow, but before he could say anything, Soos jumped into the conversation. "Goldie turned out to be evil and tried to kill me, but Wendy saved the day!"

The redhead smacked her forehead with a palm, but revealed the machine's severed head from behind her.

"Goldie!" Stan shouted. "What happened to you?"

Mentally prepared for accusations of wanton destruction, the girl was surprised when Dipper spoke first, "So, he was in the Shack the whole time?"

"Uh, yeah."

The twins shared a glance before Mabel continued, "So it wasn't a kidnapping, it was… _murder!"_

"And you found the _actual_ crime scene."

"Uh…" Wendy's confusion cleared up when both twins started giving her exaggerated winks. "Yeah. That's what happened."

Catching on, Soos elaborated the lie, "Yeah, Wendy was all lookin' for clues and stuff, trying to figure out who-done-it."

"It was probably one of the tourists." The girl finished. "Trying to steal his nuggets."

"Darn tourists! If it wasn't for their money, I'd run 'em outa town!" Stan growled. "Oh well. Maybe it's for the best. I'd forgot how creepy that piece of junk was anyway."

The twins gave Wendy a thumbs up from behind their Gruncle's back. The redhead just sighed, glad to get out of the situation alive and unpunished.

"So, you figured that all out on your own?" Stan asked the girl.

"Yeah. I guess."

"Good job, kiddo." The old man said, ruffling her pig-tails. "Looks like you just beat Dipper to tie with the goat."

After Stan walked out of the room, Wendy asked, "Does he really keep score of who his favorite is?"

"Yep." Mabel answered. "He posts it on the fridge every Friday."

"Weird."


	3. Corner Store Curse

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**Corner Store Curse **

**.**

It was a slow afternoon at the Mystery Shack. Dipper and Mabel were going through the motions of working, Wendy was reading the journal, and Soos was trying to fix the vending machine. That machine seemed to break down every week, but Wendy noticed Mabel always managed to get snacks from it. Maybe it was something worth investigating, then again, the teenage girl was a mystery that went beyond even Gravity Falls' standards.

Stan walked into the gift shop, so Wendy dropped the book and picked up a broom to look busy. "All right you freeloaders, I'm heading out. Dipper. Mabel. You two keep an eye on things."

The twins gave a bored, "Yep, sure," in response as the old man walked through the door.

"And remember kids," Stan said, "If the cops ask-"

"You were here the whole time." The four finished.

"Heh, stay outa trouble."

When they heard the car screech out of the drive, Mabel said, "Hey guys, wanna see something cool?"

She and Dipper walked over to a curtain in the corner, "Boosh! Secret ladder to the roof!"

"Can we really go up there?" Wendy asked.

"Sure we can." Dipper said.

"I don't know guys, are you sure Mr. Pines won't mind?" Soos wrung his hands nervously.

"Nah!" Mabel shouted and blew a raspberry. "C'mon, roof time! Roof time!"

"Roof time! Roof time!" Dipper took up the chant, followed by Wendy.

Before Soos could object any more, the three had already started climbing. The boy looked around the empty Shack nervously before trailing after them.

:::::::::::::::::

When they caught up to the twins, Wendy and Soos saw a cooler and lawn chairs on a ledge overlooking the parking lot.

"Did you guys put all this up here?" Wendy asked.

"We like to sit out here from time to time." Answered Dipper.

"Like when we should be working. Or doing chores. Or Gruncle Stan is getting creative with his cooking." Mabel added.

"Why is there a bull's-eye taped up there?" Soos pointed at the totem pole across the lawn.

"This is why!" From behind the cooler Mabel pulled out a loaded crossbow.

It was around this point that Wendy realized it was only a few weeks ago that something like this would have seemed utterly bizarre, if not downright cartoonish. She was shaken out of her thoughts by a loud _Thwak!_ and the sight of a dart sticking dead center in the target.

"Okay, okay. Let me show you how a pro does it." Dipper took the bow from his sister and nocked a new bolt into place. _Thwak!_ The dart hit just within the last circle of the bull's-eye.

"Hah!" Mabel stuck her tongue out at her twin.

"Yeah, yeah." Dipper grumbled. "You wanna have a go?"

Wendy was surprised by the offer, but held out her hands to accept the dangerous weapon being used without adult supervision. Only once she was holding it did the preteen realize she had no idea how to use a crossbow. Dipper understood and kneeled down to show her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and guided her hands. She was vaguely aware that he was explaining what was what and how to hold it, but she was distracted by the sudden heat rushing to her cheeks, and the fact that her heart and stomach apparently wanted to trade places.

"…And then you just squeeze the lever, and-" _Thwak!Crash!_ Wendy was jerked out of her inexplicable haze by the sound of property damage.

"Nice shot!" Mabel said with genuine approval.

"You're a natural." Dipper smiled down at her, and held his fist out for a bump.

Immediately the heat returned to her face and she couldn't move. All she could do was stare at the boy standing over her, with that cute smile and those warm brown eyes. His broad shoulders and wiry muscles. And did he always smell this good? Why does he smell good?

Dipper's smile faltered a little as he asked self-consciously, "Do- do kids not do knucks anymore? Is this not cool anymore?"

Wendy shook off her mysterious paralysis and connected her fist to Dipper's. His smile returned to normal as he rubbed his now bruised hand.

The crunching of gravel alerted the four of an approaching vehicle. A dinged-up white minivan pulled into the parking lot and honked its horn.

"Ooh, friends!" Mabel shouted, before she jumped off the roof. She latched onto the tree below their secret spot, and swung from branch to branch like a gymnast. Upon reaching the ground, she ran over to the vehicle's open door.

"I guess that's our cue." Dipper watched his sister, then turned back to his younger friends. "You two think you can close up shop without us?"

Before Soos could voice any concerns, Wendy said, "Sure! No problem."

"Thanks guys." Dipper grinned at the duo before jumping off the roof like his twin. "If Stan asks, we were leading the feds on a snipe hunt!"

As the teen ran to the van, Wendy shouted, "Bye guys! Bye Dipper!"

"Uh-oh!" Soos said from behind her with a grin.

"What?"

"Somebody's in love!" The boy poked his friend in the side.

"Wha-? Yeah, right!" Wendy crossed her arms indignantly. "I just think Dipper's cool is all. It's not like I lie awake thinking about him."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Darkness shrouded the Corduroy household. The snores of her father and brothers, which usually lulled Wendy to sleep, just made the room rattle around her. She had tossed and turned on her bed from the moment she laid down. Her mind was racing a mile-a-minute, but there was a common theme through all her thoughts: Dipper. The girl lay on her back, blankets kicked away, when the realization struck her. She was in love with Dipper.

"Crap."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Random dance party for no reason!" Mabel shouted, before turning on the stereo.

She and Soos began moving to the techno beats playing. Even Dipper was making some stilted motions that might be considered dancing. Wendy, on the other hand, decided to stay put at the other side of the shop. The girl had been making an effort to act cooler and more mature that day (she'd even worn her hair down, instead of in her usual pig-tails), and she wasn't about to embarrass herself now.

"Wendy!" Mabel said. "Don't you wanna get in on this?"

"I don't exactly dance." The redhead answered.

"What about the _Funny Bunny Hop_?" Soos asked.

"Now is not the time to talk about the _Bunny Hop_." The girl hissed.

"Ooh! What's the _Funny Bunny Hop_?" Mabel asked Soos.

"Back in our first grade school play, Wendy played Ms. Funny Bunny." The boy said, pulling a photo from his wallet. "That was the song and dance she did."

The two teens leaned over to look at the picture. There was a younger Wendy, dressed in a bunny suit, hopping around on stage.

"Oh man, that's brutal." Dipper chuckled.

Wendy's cheeks were bright red. "Why do you even have that picture of me in your wallet?"

"It's not a picture of you, it's of me. You're just in there too." Soos explained and turned back to the twins. "I played Background Tree #4."

Sure enough, there was little Soos, his head sticking out of a cardboard tree trunk. The boy put the photo away, while his friend desperately tried to murder him with her brain.

A car horn sounded from outside. Dipper looked at his watch, then said to his sister, "Quitin' time."

"Woop-woop!" The girl ran from the gift shop to the family room, yelling for her Gruncle Stan.

"What're you guys doing?" Wendy asked.

"We're gonna go out with our friends again." Answered Dipper.

"Maybe I- WE- could come with you?"

Looking his younger friends up and down, the boy said, "I don't know. Our friends can get kinda intense. How old are you guys again?"

Soos was about to answer, but the redhead cut him off. "We're thirteen. So, y'know, technically teenagers."

Dipper smirked and said, "Alright, I like your gumption kid. Lemme grab my stuff."

"Gumption?"

Counting on his fingers, Soos asked, "When did we turn thirteen? Did I forget how to math again?"

"C'mon." The girl nudged her friend. "This is our chance to hang out with Dipper- and Mabel!- and the cool kids."

"Oh! I know what's going on here!"

"No you don't."

"You just wanna spend time with your _boyfriend_."

"Stop it!"

"You dorks ready?!" Mabel bounced back into the room, followed by her brother.

The two 'thirteen' year olds nodded.

"Then let's go!" The brunette ran outside. "Woosh!"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Outside, four teens were standing around the dingy van from yesterday. Mabel ran ahead and started a conversation. When the others caught up she said, "Hey everybody! These are our pals from work, Soos and Wendy."

Dipper continued the introductions, "This is Candy and Grenda." The small Korean girl and large brunette waved. "This is Gorney." The pudgy boy smiled, but had an otherwise vacant look on his face. "And that's Pacifica, you can probably figure out her deal."

"Pacifica Northwest, of the Gravity Falls Northwests." The blonde said with a bored attitude. "I'm the one who commissioned the new statue in the park."

"Oh!" Wendy chimed in. "The one of the old lady?"

"Um. It's a sculpture of _me_."

Candy and Grenda giggled, "It does kinda look like an old lady."

Pacifica shot the redhead a death-glare. Wendy flashed what she hoped was an apologetic smile. Things weren't starting out too good.

"Okay people, let's get going." Dipper shouted.

"Yeah, Dipper's got some big nerd thing planned for us tonight!" Mabel added.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The kids drove for about ten minutes until they reached a series of abandoned lots at the edge of town. Dipper instructed Gorney to park next to a fence that surrounded the only building in sight.

"There it is. The old abandoned convenience store." Dipper told his friends as they peered at the derelict shop. "Rumors are that it's haunted."

"Is it safe?" Wendy asked.

"Nope!" The boy answered with a grin. "And definitely illegal."

"I'm in!" Grenda shouted. "Breaking and entering is always cool!" She was already giving Candy a boost up the fence. The rest of the group followed suit.

Soos had a little trouble making it over, but Wendy solved this with a quick shove to the back, before jumping down herself. The only one left at the top was Pacifica. "Dipper, could you be a dear and help me down?"

The boy rolled his eyes, but held up his arms for the blonde to jump into.

"Thank you, darling." Wendy noticed the older girl's hand lingered on his shoulder a little longer than was necessary.

When they'd all gathered around the entrance, Dipper tried the door, "Locked."

"Let me give it a shot." Wendy said, walking to the boy's side.

"Oh yeah." Pacifica scoffed. "I'm sure with her superior redneck strength, she can just rip the doors off their hinges."

Wendy glared at the older girl, cheeks turning pink. Without saying a word, she ran to the corner of the shop, and shimmied up the drainpipe like a squirrel. On the roof, she broke through a grate and crawled into the vents. The teens below yelled for her to stop, but she was already gone.

Pacifica pulled out her phone, smirking, "So who's gonna call the fire department to come get her out of there?"

That's when the door opened with a jingle of its bell. _Okay Wendy, you got inside, now say something cool. "_I got inside." _StupidStupidStupidStupid!_

Even without an awesome one-liner, the teens were impressed. Candy said, "Good call bringing this party-girl."

"Your new name is Admiral Awesomesauce!" Grenda added.

Gorney gave her a thumbs-up, and Mabel and Soos gave her high fives. Pacifica said nothing, but Dipper gave her a jab on the shoulder, "Nice work."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The interior of the shop was dark. Hushed exclamations came from the kids as they split off into smaller groups to explore the aisles. Wendy, Soos, and Pacifica followed after Dipper as he headed for the back. They stopped at row of switches that Dipper idly flicked up. The boy was surprised when the lights came on. "Why is this place still on the electric grid?"

Looking around, the group saw rows of stocked shelves. Aside from a thick layer of dust, the shop looked like it was still open. The rest of the teens joined them before Wendy asked, "So, what do we do now?"

"Anything we want." Mabel said with a grin.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The kids started out by gorging themselves on junk food. Candy found some packets of balloons, and they filled them up with soft-serve to have an ice cream fight. They took all the bottles of Diet Pitt and Mintoes to make soda geysers. When their sugar high kicked in, Wendy and Soos chased each other through the aisles, before stopping at the beverage section.

"No way!" Soos shouted. "They have Bull-Sip energy drinks! I thought this stuff was banned."

"Maybe it was for a good reason." Wendy said, eyeing at the caution tape covering the fridge.

Ignoring his friend, Soos took out a twelve-pack and started drinking. The redhead was going to tell him to be careful, when an ice cream balloon hit the back of her head. Laughing, the girl ran back to the others.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

After about an hour, everyone had calmed down and split up into twos or threes. Dipper and Wendy had settled on top of the center shelf, eating ice-pops.

"This night's been awesome so far." Dipper said.

"Yeah?" Wendy started to grin.

"Yeah. It turned out there was something here for everyone. I'm glad you guys wanted to come along, you're a lot of fun."

The girl just blushed and muttered something incoherent. After composing herself, she said, "Too bad there weren't any ghosts though."

"Sometimes you find something, sometimes you don't. This place is still plenty weird without being haunted."

"Like how?"

"Well, the power's still on and the merchandise is still here. You'd think they'd empty out the building before shutting down. Plus, everything here is still fresh. Even Hoho-Jojos should spoil after seventeen years."

Their conversation was interrupted when Grenda shouted, "Hey everybody! Gorney's gonna chug an entire gallon of mayonnaise!"

Dipper nudged Wendy, "We're not gonna want to miss this."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The night was winding down, and the sugar was wearing off. Everyone agreed that it was about time to leave. Wendy pulled an unresponsive Soos out from a pile of Bull-Sip cans (he muttered something about wings, and flying with the narwhals), and dragged him over to the rest of the group.

Mabel walked to the door and pushed, "It's stuck."

Grenda came up and tried as well. It wouldn't budge. Two bags of chips smacked the girls from behind, causing them to shout, "Hey!" They turned to yell at the thrower, but noticed the rest of the teens had turned pale. Snack foods were floating in the air, slowly circling the friends. All at once, junk food started pelting the kids, making them run for cover. Wendy pushed Soos into a cabinet, keeping him out of the line of fire, and rejoined the others, "What's going on?"

Before anyone could answer, the lights shut off. It took several seconds for their eyes to adjust to the dark. Taking a deep breath, Dipper approached the doors, Mabel following after him.

"Let me try something." Steeling himself, the boy lifted his arm and incanted, "_Annon edhellen, edro hi ammen! Fennas nogothrim, lasto beth lammen!" _When nothing happened he shook the doorhandles and shouted, _"Edro, edro! _Darnit, that usually works!_"_

_ "Melon! Melon!"_ Mabel tried, pounding on the glass._ "_Uh, uh…_ expelliarmus!" _

The friends huddled together again when they heard a scuttling sound. Soos appeared form behind a shelf doing a backwards crabwalk, green foam dripping from his mouth.

"Oh my god! He's possessed!" Mabel screamed.

"No, wait!" Wendy yelled back. "It's okay! He always does that when he's had too much caffeine."

Soos' head then turned 180 degrees before he climbed up a wall and onto the ceiling.

"Oh. Never mind. He's possessed."

"What's going on?" Pacifica yelled. "What's doing this?"

In answer, the lights came back on, and three ghosts floated before the group. There were two boys and a girl, each in their teens and wearing 90's fashion. While their friends screamed, Dipper and Mabel adopted expressions of tense caution, but didn't back away from the specters.

"S'up." Said one of the male ghosts. "I'm Jeffy Fresh, and this is Byrone and Rosie."

Dipper was the first to speak, moving slightly in front of his sister. "Why'd you lock the door?"

"'Cause we're bored, yo." Said Byrone. "We've been stuck here for years with no one to hang with."

"You ever been cooped up with only the same two people to talk to?" Rosie added. "I'm bugg'n out!"

"Why are you even here?" Dipper asked. "Why are you haunting this place?"

"It happened a long time ago." Byrone explained. "This was our hangout. But the lame old couple who owned the place decided to ban teenagers. So, we went and had a protest in the parking lot. I guess we shoulda done it on the sidewalk, since we didn't hear the truck coming. Now that we were ghosts, we figured those old farts couldn't keep us out anymore, so we stayed. We didn't know they'd end up shuttin' the place down."

"What are you gonna do with us?" Mabel asked.

"We just wanna chill with you guys for a while."

"How long?"

"I donno. Forever I guess."

The teens panicked and scattered around the store, looking for a way out. Candy and Grenda tried going through the back, but were blocked by Jeffy Fresh. "Yo, how'd you guys get the soda bottles to squirt like that?"

Candy's voice trembled as she explained, "The rough surface of the Mintoes gives it a large surface area for CO₂ bubbles to form, pushing the liquid up. The artificial sweeteners in diet soda give the liquid less surface tension, causing a bigger reaction."

The ghost gave them a blank look for a second before saying, "Cool, cool. Hey wanna see something rad?"

He snapped his fingers and the two girls found themselves floating in a pink ocean. Looking up, the saw the ghost had become giant, staring down at them through a distorted sky. No, not a giant ghost, they had shrunk and were in a soda bottle.

"Aww, man." Jeffy said. "I thought it would get all fizzy. You chicks hang tight, I'll get some mints and we'll have a whole waterpark thing goin' on."

Gorney had hidden behind the arcade game when Byrone found him. "Aw yeah man! This game is tight. Check out the awesome graphics."

The pudgy boy was sucked through the screen, and a pixilated version of himself started running across the two-dimensional landscape. He managed to avoid the rolling barrels and spike traps, but couldn't jump over a gaping chasm. As he fell into the darkness, he yelled, "Remember me!"

Dipper had pulled Wendy and the unconscious Soos under the soda fountain. Mabel and Pacifica crouched down at the opposite side of the store. Jeffy Fresh floated back to the front and said, "Hey, where's that blonde bombshell at?"

He looked around and spotted her. "Hey baby, what's the 4-1-1?"

"Step off bro, I saw her first!" Byrone pushed his friend out of the way.

"Not likely!" Jeffy pushed back.

As the boys floated off in a shoving match, Rosie hovered down to the two girls. "See the kinda things I gotta deal with?"

"Yeah, that's rough." Mabel chuckled nervously, while Pacifica stood behind her, clutching her sweater.

"So, hey." Rosie said. "Where'd that cutie in the vest run off to?"

"You leave my brother alone, you ectoplasmic hussy!" The twin glared.

"I don't like your attitude." The ghost's eyes narrowed.

"Well, I don't like your face!" Mabel shouted. "Left hook!"

The brunette's fist went straight through Rosie's head. The ghost said, "Girl, you need to chill-out."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Shaking away a sudden sense of dizziness, Mabel looked around to see that she was in a snow covered wasteland. A groan from the ground told her that Pacifica was with her.

"Where are we?" The blonde asked.

Mabel made another sweep of the landscape before a crinkling sound made her look down. She was standing on some kind of frost covered paper. Brushing away the ice, the word _Fudgeicle_ became clear. The two were in the ice cream freezer. "I'm okay with this."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Back in the shop, Dipper only saw his twin disappear. He stood up and shouted, "Hey! What did you do with my sister?"

Rosie looked at him, and he was lifted off the floor. The other ghosts had finished their argument and floated towards him.

"She'll be fine." Byrone said.

"Yeah, relax man." Added Jeffy.

"We're just tryin' to have a good time." Rosie winked at him.

"Look. We don't wanna be here. Just let my friends go so we can leave."

"You're not goin' anywhere. We've been stuck here forever, and now we finally have new peeps to hang with."

"Yeah, we've been watching you all night. You guys are cool." Jeffy said. "And only the cool kids are allowed in our store."

Wendy frantically flipped through the journal. It said ghosts always have a reason to haunt a place, but what are you supposed to do when that reason is to kidnap you? The night had started out so great too. She'd hung out with Dipper, was accepted by his friends, she was with all the cool kids. _Cool kids._

The redhead groaned as an idea hit her. _So much for impressing Dipper._ She thought, as she tied her hair up into pig-tails. _By the time this is through, I'll be lucky if he can even look at me without laughing._ She left her hiding spot and waited for the ghosts to notice her.

"Oh, hey. There's another one." Byrone said. "S'up."

Wendy took a deep breath and started to sing:

"_Oh what's a funny bunny do? Do!_

_She hops around from me to you! You!_

_It's the Funny Bunny Hop! Hop!_

_The Funny Bunny Hop! Hop!_

_She twitches her nose, _

_And wiggles her tail,_

_And then her ears go flop! Flop!_

_That's what funny bunnies do! Do!_

_They hop for me and for you! You!_

_It's the Funny Bunny Hop! Hop!_

_The Funny Bunny Hop! Hop!_

_And now it's time to stop. STOP!"_

The redhead finished her dance and looked at her audience. Each of the ghosts wore a confused expression.

"Who is this kid?" Jeffy asked Dipper.

"She's our friend Wendy." The twin said, still floating.

The teen specters exchanged looks before dropping the boy. "Maybe you guys aren't as cool as we thought."

"I don't think we wanna hang out with you anymore."

The ghosts disappeared and the other teens took their place, mostly unharmed. "Ugh, what happened?" Asked Gorney.

"Guys, it was crazy." Dipper said.

Wendy's face was red, and she turned away from the group.

"Wendy totally outsmarted those ghosts!" The boy continued. "She figured out how to trick them into letting us go."

The teens murmured their thanks and praise, too tired to ask for any details. The redhead looked at Dipper to see him drawing a zipper over his mouth. She repeated the motion and smiled.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

On returning to the van, most of the kids went straight to sleep on their seats, except for Soos who was still vibrating from the energy drinks. Outside, Dipper said to Wendy, "Crazy night, huh? Maybe next time we should just do some regular teenage stuff, and leave the paranormal stuff for the four of us."

"Next time?" Wendy asked.

"Yeah, you're pretty cool for a twelve-year-old."

"Yeah, well- Wait! I'm not- I'm-" The girl stuttered, but Dipper gave her a knowing wink.

"Let's get outta here."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The gang dropped Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos off at the Mystery Shack. The four walked into the rickety building, when Dipper said, "Wait. What time is it? Don't you guys have, like, a curfew or something?"

"I told my dad I was staying over at Soos'." Wendy answered.

"And I told my abuelita I was sleeping over here." The boy added. "'Cause that's what Wendy told me we were doing."

"Woo! Slumber party!" Mabel yelled.

Dipper rolled his eyes, "Let's skip the 'party' part for now."

The two preteens moved towards the recliner, but were stopped by the older girl. "Nope! Gruncle Stan will get all grumpy if he finds out you slept here."

"_I'm not running a bed and breakfast here!"_ Her brother said, imitating their uncle.

"_On second thought, yes I am! Now pay up."_ She finished.

"Let's get you guys settled upstairs." Dipper led them to the attic.

With two sleeping bags on the floor, the friends said their goodnights. The caffeine had finally worn off, and Soos was out like a light. Wendy was exhausted, the stress of the day had caught up to her, and all she wanted to do was sleep. She turned over and looked at the bed next to her. The bed where Dipper was sleeping. In the same room. Only a few feet away. She was gonna spend the night lying awake again, wasn't she?


	4. Hobnobbin' With Hobgoblins

**Thanks again for the awesome reviews! **

**.**

**Hobnobbin' With Hobgoblins**

**.**

The floor room of the Mystery Shack was being decked out for a party. Wendy idly blew up balloons, while the twins hung streamers. As he pushed a table into place, Soos asked, "So, whose birthday is it Mr. Pines?"

"No ones." Stan said. "I just figured this party would be a good way to get kids to spend more money at the Shack."

"Gruncle Stan." Dipper interrupted. "Didn't you receive a court-order forbidding you from hosting parties after what happened last time?"

"Lousy interfering judge. One little grease fire, and suddenly you're a 'public menace.'" The old man muttered. "Fortunately, I found a loophole."

"What kinda loophole?" Mabel asked, jumping off a stepladder.

"The order only says that _I_ can't host a party." He explained. "That's why, in the eyes of the law, _Dipper_'s running this shindig. Meaning all legal responsibilities and consequences fall on him. I'll just be at the door, taking the money."

Dipper moaned and buried his face in his hands, "Gruncle Stan, why would you do this to me?"

"Because life's terrible." The conman said, turning back to his work. "Better you learn that now than later."

"Mabel. Do you know where I left my anxiety medication?" The boy groaned.

"The last I saw, it was with my ADD meds."

"Well, where are those?"

"No clue!" The brunette pranced to the other side of the room.

"Hey, relax. It's not like anything bad is gonna happen, right?" Wendy said, patting the boy on the back. A crash from behind made them turn. Soos' leg had broken through the DJ stage set in the corner. "I'm okay!" the preteen shouted, as Mabel tried to pull him free. With a louder crack, both kids fell completely through the stage. "I'm not okay."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dipper paced back and forth with a clipboard in hand, gnawing on a pen. "Okay. Gruncle Stan is covering ticket sales, and isn't allowed inside the building while the party lasts."

The old man pulled a chair out the door, along with an armful of snacks and drinks.

"Mabel, you'll be DJing."

"All right! I've got an awesome playlist picked out. Then I thought instead of regular karaoke, we'll have like, a talent contest/open mike thing. And we'll have some kinda trophy, or prize, or…"

"Yeah, okay. Whatever." Dipper cut off his sister. Mabel stuck her tongue at him, but he didn't notice. "Soos, you're with me. We'll be keeping an eye on things: refilling refreshments, preventing lawsuits, that sort of thing."

The chubby tween's face fell, "Aw, really dude? I was kinda hoping this was my chance to meet some new people. I've even been learning dance moves off the internet." He began moon-walking in front of the others.

Before Dipper could answer, Wendy spoke, "I could help you run things."

"Are you sure you're up for that?" Dipper gave her an appraising look. "I'd need you by my side the entire night. Just the two of us. Away from the crowd. No distractions. Only each other for company."

"I can totally handle it." She shot him a brace filled grin.

"Okay. You're in." He tossed her a clip-on bowtie. "Suit up."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Mabel offered Wendy the use of her bedroom and makeup to get 'dolled up' before the party. After showing her where everything was, the older girl left the room with an unsubtle wink. Wendy looked at the arrayed tubes of pastes and powders with a baffled expression. She hadn't worn makeup since she was six, and that was only while playing dress-up.

Now regretting running around the woods that morning, the girl looked herself in the mirror. Not too bad. She hadn't gotten sweaty enough for her hair to get matted or gross, her skin looked clear. Maybe she was overthinking this. She lifted her arm and sniffed. Nope. Not good. She wanted to use tonight to get closer to Dipper. Maybe even ask him to dance. No one wants to dance with the smelly kid.

Mabel had a variety of perfumes (most of them candy scented). But Wendy felt that, somehow, smelling like his sister wasn't the best way to attract a guy. The redhead usually just used one of her brothers' deodorants. Rummaging around in her backpack, she came up with a can of _Acks Body-Spray_. Smelling like a boy's locker room didn't really seem like the best way to attract a guy either (don't ask how she knew what the boy's locker room smelled like). Sighing in defeat, Wendy sprayed one of Mabel's florally perfumes under her left arm, and the _Acks_ under her right. Good enough.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The doors to the party wouldn't be opened for another thirty minutes, but kids were already lined up outside to buy tickets. Stan laughed to himself as he stuffed more money into the lockbox next to him, a sucker was born every minute, and a disproportionate number of them were born in Gravity Falls. The old man called out for the next in line, and was surprised when a pair of men in suits walked up. _Trouble._

"Stanford Pines?" One of the men asked.

"Aren't you two a little old for a party like this?" Stan sat back in his chair, crossing his arms.

Ignoring the comment, the second man handed him an official looking paper and said, "We're from the county courthouse. There is concern that you're in violation of Judge Hufterfruftershire's orders."

"Lousy Judge." Stan muttered under his breath. He then adopted his best showman's grin and said. "No, no, gentlemen. You're mistaken. This is just a small private party being hosted by my nephew. I'm not involved in the slightest."

"Then what's all this?" The suited man gestured at the ticket stand.

"This? I'm just out here asking for _voluntary donations._ To help support the business, ya know." Stan lowered his voice so the kids in line wouldn't hear the word 'voluntary.'

"And these flyers? They're posted all over town, and they don't mention your nephew."

"Sure they do." The old man grabbed one of the papers and a magnifying glass from under the table. Holding them both out, the lawyers could read the words _-This party is the sole idea and responsibility of Dipper Pines-_ sandwiched beneath the clipart deer on the flyer.

"Well then. Everything appears to be in order." The man said, while his partner opened a briefcase. "We'll just need you to wear this ankle bracelet to ensure you don't enter the building before the party is over."

"Wait. What?"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wendy finished her preening. She looked about the same, except for the bowtie, but at least she wasn't smelly. While opening the door, a rattling sound made her pause. She turned, trying to pinpoint the noise. There, from the wall on Mabel's side of the room. Walking closer, Wendy wasn't sure what to expect, but it definitely wasn't whispering. Behind the wall were a dozen hushed voices, and more rattling. The girl found a crack between the boards and peered through.

Inside the attic wall were scores of tiny people. They were as tall as a soda can, and looked like hairy old men. Most sat and talked, but others staggered around drunkenly, or lay passed out on the floor. Wendy found the source of the rattling, two orange prescription bottles were being passed around, the creatures shaking out pills to split amongst themselves.

Wendy left the bedroom and consulted the journal, flipping through the pages until she found a picture that matched what she saw:

_Hobgoblins_

_ Mischievous house-spirits who take up residence in human dwellings, usually unbeknownst to the homeowner. Largely benign, they are firm believers of fair compensation. In exchange for the shelter and food they take, Hobgoblins perform small favors and household tasks. Anything they take will be replaced with something they consider to be of equal value. They will also repay insults with pranks, ranging from annoying to harmful. Stay on their good side. _

The rest of the text was a jumble of scribbled notes and codes. They sounded harmless enough, she could worry about them after the party. The party! She had to get down there to help Dipper.

::::::::::::::::::6::::::::::::::::::

It was 8 o'clock, and the doors to the floor room opened. Wendy made it downstairs and stood by Dipper's side as the guests poured in. Scanning the crowed for likely troublemakers, the boy seemed too distracted to notice his friend was with him.

After the initial influx of partiers entered, Dipper turned to the redhead and said. "Okay, I guess we can walk around and mingle for a while. Keep your eyes open, and flag me down if you spot any trouble. Just remember: I'm the one responsible if anything goes wrong, and in Gravity Falls they start trying you as an adult at age nine. And I do not want to go to prison." Then to himself he muttered. "I would not get a warm welcome there."

Wendy saluted, and the two split up in different directions. The girl decided to find Soos, since trouble usually gravitated towards him anyway, and she wanted to tell someone about what she had seen upstairs.

A crowd had formed around the stage, where Mabel was decked out in her 80s-est clothing. "All right people! This is DJ May-May coming at you tonight. Now let's get this party started!"

The kids cheered as Mabel put on the music, bobbing her head to the beat. Soos was right there in the middle, flailing around in what might generously be called dancing. Wendy walked up to her friend and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Wendy! Awesome party, right?" The tween boy said. "It's like everyone in town has shown up."

"Yeah, it's something alright." The redhead answered distractedly. "Hey, you'll never guess what I saw upstairs."

Soos gave her an impish grin. "What? Where you going through Dipper's underwear drawer?"

"No! Gross!" Wendy's cheeks flushed red. "It's something I saw in the walls. Little magic people."

Soos froze, his face turning pale, "Not more Barf Fairies?"

"No, these were different."

The boy relaxed, "Well, that's cool. Maybe we can check it out after the party."

"Oh great. What are you two losers doing here?" A new voice interrupted the friends.

The duo turned to see a kid in a black hoodie walk up to them. Wendy instinctively took a half step in front of her friend when she recognized who it was. _Robbie._

"Hey Robbie!" Soos said jovially. "Cool party, huh?"

"It was." The emo boy scoffed. "Until I saw who else was here."

Wendy bristled, "Look Robbie, why don't you get lost and bother someone else for a change."

The redhead couldn't stand the boy in front of her. He was always picking on her and Soos.

The bully stepped up to Wendy, standing on his tiptoes to look the girl in the eye. "Why don't you make me?"

Grabbing the jerky kid by the collar, Wendy pulled her other fist back for a punch. Her arm froze when a voice from behind them shouted, "Hey! Hey! No fighting, or I'll throw all three of you out!"

Dipper walked up to the trio of preteens with a scowl on his face. Wendy immediately released her grip on the boy, and stepped back. Trying to hide the panic in his voice, Robbie managed to say, "You dorks are lucky he was here to stop me. C'mon Thompson, let's get away from these dweebs."

A chubby boy with a sad expression scurried after the retreating Robbie. Dipper turned to the remaining tweens with a frown, "What was all that about?"

"Robbie Valentino." Wendy mumbled, looking at her feet. "He's the biggest bully in school. He's always picking on us."

"Yeah, it's crazy!" Soos added. "He's as unpopular as us, but he doesn't want to be our friend."

Wendy rolled her eyes at Soos' description of their nemesis. Dipper's expression had softened, but his tone was still serious, "Look. No fighting while you're here, okay? If he starts causing trouble, just tell me, and I'll toss him out."

"Okay." The redhead nodded her head, but a new thought occurred to her. "What if we're outside, can I beat him up then?"

Scanning the crowd for more trouble, Dipper distractedly mumbled, "Sure, sure. Just make sure there aren't any witnesses around."

With that, the teen walked off, his paranoia forcing him to look for more problems. Wendy stared after her crush. She was supposed to be helping him, not stressing him out even more. She needed to figure out how to make this night go perfectly. If it continued the way it was, she wouldn't have any time with Dipper at all. And even if she did, he wouldn't enjoy it. He wouldn't want to dance with her. She needed help, but Soos and Mabel were both doing their own thing. The girl's hand subconsciously gripped the journal hidden under her shirt, it had become something of a security blanket since it fell into her possession. The rough cover in her grasp made her think of something. She ran out of the floor room and up the stairs.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

By 8:30 the line to get into the party had disappeared. Stan leaned back in his chair, sipping a soda. He knew there weren't likely to be anymore guests arriving, but that was okay, the full lockbox beside him was evidence of tonight's success. The con artist smiled to himself until his stomach started to gurgle.

"Yeah, yeah. I hear ya." He muttered, getting up from his seat. "Stupid old-man bladder."

He walked to the door of the Shack, but when he stepped over the threshold the band around his ankle flashed and beeped. Immediately, the two lawyers from before appeared and gripped his arms.

"I'm sorry Mr. Pines, but you're not allowed within the premises while there are minors present."

"What?" Stan asked. Shocked by their sudden arrival. "But I just gotta use the can."

"Well, you can't use it in there." The man said. "Not until the party is over."

"Ugh. Fine."

Stan pulled his arms away from the suited men and trudged over to the woods. When he felt he was decently hidden, the codger unzipped his fly.

"Public decency laws forbid what you're about to do." The lawyers had once again silently emerged behind Stan.

The old man couldn't decide whether to yell at the intruders or have a heart attack, so he settled for saying, "Well then, where do you expect me to do my business?"

The duo exchanged a glance before saying, "The outhouse at the side of the property would be acceptable."

"No way!" Stan shouted. "That thing's a deathtrap. The last time I used it, I got stuck in there for three days!"

"It's either that, or hold it." The man shrugged. The two slowly backed away before disappearing under the shadow of the trees.

"Ugh. Lawyers."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wendy found the crack in the wall where she had first spotted the Hobgoblins. She grew concerned when she couldn't hear anything on the other side, and started pulling at the paneling. The boards came away easily, the nails slipping out of the rotted wood. From the silence, the girl had expected the spot to be abandoned. The creatures were still there, but something was definitely wrong. The Hobgoblins sat in silence, completely oblivious of the child staring down at them. Some wore euphoric grins, others slowly rocked back and forth, clutching their knees. All of them had dilated pupils and far off expressions.

Wendy was at a loss until she saw the prescription bottles that had been passed around earlier. The labels were partially hidden, but the name _Pines_ was clear. The girl reached for the medicine, but drew back when a sharp pain hit her finger.

"Hands off!" One of the Hobgoblins had awoken from its stupor and swatted her with a cane. "Those are ours!"

Unsure how else to respond, Wendy just said, "No they're not."

More of the hairy little creatures started to become lucid, and stared up at the giant redhead who may-or-may-not have been a hallucination.

"What do you mean?" The original Hobgoblin asked.

"Those belong to my friends." The girl said. "I think. They lost their medications earlier."

The small beings began to whisper among themselves. The only one to have spoken to her so far stepped forward. "We took these magic tablets. But we left the humans something in return."

"What?"

Looking past her into the room, the Hobgoblin pointed at a bag of jellybeans hidden under Dipper's bed. Wendy turned back to the creatures and said, "But you didn't take candy. You took their medicine. Aren't you guys supposed to leave something of equal value?"

Once again, the creatures huddled in discussion. "You speak the truth, human. We did not know the properties of these pellets when we took them. If we had, those two humans would have been paid in gold." The rest of the assemblage nodded. "I am called Hob. These are our clan elders: Gob, Bob, Sob, Dob, Mob, Blob, Job, Nob, and Carl."

"Uh. Hey." Wendy waved.

"Tell us, human. How can we right the wrong we've committed?" Hob asked.

This was great! Wendy had expected some kind of overcomplicated bargain, or quest, or something. But these guys were offering their help up front. Oh, wait. The twins should probably get their medication back.

"Okay. First you have to give the rest of the pills back." The mini humanoids booed and moaned at Wendy's statement. "Hey! Just do that for now, maybe you can get more later, but you have to work that out with Dipper and Mabel."

The Hobgoblins seemed to accept that answer and calmed down.

"Next," The tween continued. "There's a party going on downstairs, and I want your help to make it perfect."

"How do we do that?" Asked Bob (or maybe Nob. Wendy wasn't sure.).

"Keep track of things. Make sure nobody steals or breaks anything. Stop people from fighting. And help me stay close to Dipper."

The Hobgoblin elders nodded, "We can do that."

"Great!" Wendy beamed. "I'll be downstairs."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The party was in full swing, and DJ May-May had the audience eating out of her hand. "Okay my party-peeps! Now I wanna try something a little different. I want you guys to come up here and perform for all of us! Get on stage, play an instrument, tell some jokes, read a story. Whatever you want! And whoever gives the best performance by the end of the night gets this!" Mabel held up a giant plastic trophy, covered in rhinestones. "The trophy of ultimate talent! Who wants to go first?"

After some cajoling and peer-pressure, a girl walked up on stage and started singing. After a few false starts, the partygoers got into the idea of the open mike challenge. Between each contestant, Mabel would play a song or two, while the next person got ready.

Soos was bouncing on the balls of his feet, waiting for his turn on stage. He saw Wendy pushing her way through the crowd, and ran up to her. "Isn't this great?" he latched onto the girls arm. "Mabel's doing a talent contest, and I'm going next!"

Wendy had been looking for Dipper, but her friend's words snapped her back to reality, "Really? Uh, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yeah!" The pudgy boy grinned. "It all just for fun, but I think I could win!"

Their conversation was interrupted as the current competitor began to sing. Wendy cringed at the voice, and looked up to see Robbie playing an old electric guitar Mabel had pulled from storage. The redhead couldn't place the song, though it seemed vaguely familiar. Soos, on the other hand, new exactly what it was, and was snickering.

"Oh man, what a dork!" The boy laughed. He caught his friend's questioning expression and explained, "He's playing the _Monstermon_ theme song! Lame!"

Wendy cocked an eyebrow at her friend. "_Monstermon_? Didn't you used to be obsessed with that? You spent all the money you had collecting those cards and stuff."

Soos stuck his chin in the air and scoffed. "Wendy, I'm almost thirteen now, and my tastes have matured. That's why I'm gonna wow the crowd with my knowledge of the classics by singing the _Ghost Maze_ theme."

"Isn't that the old arcade game where the triangle eats the dots and gets chased by ghosts?"

"Yep!"

"Does that even have a theme song?"

"Sure it does." Soos answered. "It goes like this: _Beep Beep Blebly-boop BeepBop Boobly-boop-boop Bop…"_

Wendy smacked her face. "Soos, that isn't singing. That's making beeping noises."

"_WakWakWakWakWak."_ The boy's shoulders slumped and he frowned. "Aw, man. You're right. What am I gonna do?"

"Uh, well. You know how to play the keyboard. Do something with that."

Soos perked up a little. "Yeah, thanks dude. I'll figure something out."

The assemblage clapped as Robbie left the stage, Thompson following after him. As the boy walked past the duo he said, "Beat that, loser."

Soos didn't say a word as he approached the pile of second-hand instruments available for the contestants. Mabel put on another song as the tween got ready.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Feeling a little bad about not staying up front to support her friend, Wendy continued her search for Dipper. She'd made a promise to help him run the party after all. Spotting a blue and white cap near the snack table, the girl walked over. She recognized Dipper's laugh, but heard another that wasn't familiar. Oh no. Not her.

Dipper handed a plastic cup to Pacifica. Looking up, the boy spotted his younger friend and waved her over, smiling. "There you are. I thought you'd forgotten about me."

"What? No! I was just- Doing the- you know-" The redhead stumbled over her own words in panic.

"Hey, relax. I'm the one who's supposed to have a panic attack over this party." He winked at her.

Wendy calmed down until the boy spoke again. "Pacifica, you remember Wendy from the convenience store."

"No." The blonde didn't even look in the other girl's direction. "So what's going on at the dance floor?"

"One of Mabel's ideas." The mystery hunter answered. He gestured for the two girls to follow. "C'mon, let's see how the open mike is going."

Wendy lagged behind, while Pacifica walked way too close to Dipper. This was bad. She hadn't prepared for this. She needed more help.

A huge cheer jarred the girl from her thoughts. The trio had made it to the stage in time to see Soos walk up in a pair of visor sunglasses, holding a keytar. As the boy began playing, a grin spread across Dipper's face and he shouted "_Yeah!"_ Wendy recognized the synthesized tune as the same one Soos 'sang' to her before. The girl smiled. Her friend had found a way to play his nerdy videogame music, and the crowd seemed to love it.

When the song finished, Wendy slipped away from the others. She needed to get back upstairs and make a new plan.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"I don't understand." Hob said to the girl towering over him.

"It's simple. I just need you to keep this girl away from Dipper." Wendy stated, holding up her phone so the Hobgoblin could see a photo of Pacifica.

"But why?" The creature asked. "In what way is that a favor to him?"

Wendy hadn't expected that question. "Well… She's really snobby and annoying. And I think he'd have a much better time without her following him around all night."

Hob stroked his scraggly beard. "Yes, alright. I can see your point. We will take care of it."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dipper and Pacifica sat on the couch, watching the partygoers dance. So far things had gone smoothly for the boy, no major problems occurred, no one had gotten hurt, no one was threatening to sue. Dipper was half listening to Pacifica, half surveying the guests. The blonde was about to take a drink when her cup spontaneously exploded in her hand, spilling its contents down her front.

"What the heck!" The girl screamed.

"Whoa!" Dipper was startled out of his thoughts by the beverage mishap. "Here, lemme get you some napkins."

"No. It's fine." The teen's face was red with embarrassment and anger. "Let me just go to the bathroom and clean up."

The girl stormed off.

"Wow. That was weird." Dipper jumped at the voice next to him. Wendy was there, sitting on the arm of the couch. "I wonder what happened?"

The teen shrugged, "Who knows? Could just be the cheap plasticware Gruncle Stan buys."

The friends chatted for a bit, but Dipper was still distracted by the possible disasters that could befall the party. The two stopped talking when Pacifica approached them in a completely new outfit.

"I brought a spare." She said in answer to their befuddled looks. She discreetly glared at Wendy, then sat down with a fresh glass of soda. The cup shattered, soaking her outfit. "Oh, come on!"

The blonde stormed out of the room again.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Stan was about to burst. He refused to go into the _Outhouse of Mystery_ after what happened last time, but his resolve was wearing thin. Every time he tried to sneak into the house, or off in the woods, those officials from the county court would appear.

That's it. He couldn't take it anymore. They'd won. Grabbing the moneybox, Stan ran for the outhouse. Inside, he released the pressure that had been building up all evening. Relieved, Stan pushed the door to exit. It wouldn't budge.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

With her third new outfit on, Pacifica refused to eat or drink anything. She also wouldn't leave Dipper's side, not even when their other friends walked by, or Mabel took a break from DJing. Had the Hobgoblins given up? Wendy needed to find out.

Hob was still in the wall when Wendy walked in. He explained that they were doing their best, but had run into trouble.

"After all, who brings three pairs of clothes to a party?"

"I know, right?" Wendy agreed. "But look, she won't go away. Don't you guys have any other ideas?"

"Oh, we do. We do."

...

Pacifica set her purse on the end table next to the couch. Dipper had walked off to 'make the rounds' again, leaving her alone. That boy really needed to relax. This was supposed to be a party after all. The blonde leaned against the armrest and decided to check her messages. Reaching for her purse, she was met with empty air. She looked over and saw her handbag walking away, snorting. Waddles. She had mistaken the pig for a table, and now he was wandering off with all her stuff.

"Someone stop that pig!" The girl shouted (much to the amusement of the crowd).

But the pig would not be stopped. You wouldn't think a 250 pound hog, who spends his days either sleeping or looking for places to sleep, would be very fast. But when Waddles wants to move, he can move. And right now he wants to move, because there is a delicious cheese ball dangling in front of him, held just out of reach by Gob.

...

Wendy laughed when Hob explained the plan to her, and held out her finger for a mini high five.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wendy walked through the halls with purpose. Everything was ready. Nothing could go wrong. It was _time_. Time to ask Dipper to dance. Time to bump into Dipper in the hallway.

"What are you doing here?!" The girl asked with a little too much force.

"Just waiting for the bathroom." Dipper gestured to the closed door with his cup. "What about you?"

Wendy's eyes darted back and forth in panic. "Oh. Just, y'know, chaperoning. Or whatever."

Dipper smiled at her. "Everything seems to be going pretty well. It's all calmed down a bit. I'm glad you offered to help."

"Yeah?" The preteen blushed. "I mean, yeah. No problem."

Her heartbeat picked up. This wasn't right. She needed to get him onto the dancefloor before Pacifica came back. This was supposed to be the one opportunity to get him to herself.

"So hey." The boy picked the conversation back up again. "Suppose everyone here got snowed in by a huge blizzard. Who do you think would be the first to resort to cannibalism?"

"Oh, uh…"

"I'd probably go with that Alex guy." Dipper pointed to a rusty haired man with a goatee. "He always creeps me out for some reason."

Wendy giggled and relaxed slightly. Getting into the game, she pointed to another guest and said, "I'd say Mr. Poolcheck would be the first. He probably wouldn't even wait for the food to run out."

The duo laughed at the joke, and their own strange sense of humor. Dipper chuckled once more and said, "'Poolcheck.' Is it just me, or do the people in this town have the weirdest names ever?"

"Like 'Dipper?'" Wendy said with a smirk, covering her mouth when she realized she'd insulted her crush.

The boy just laughed and said, "If you think my _name_ is weird, you should check this out…" He handed her his cup, and pulled off his hat. Smoothing back his hair, the teen revealed the red birthmark on his forehead.

Wendy's eyes went wide. "The Big Dipper. That's how you got your nickname." The girl thought for a moment, then said, "Hold on. I don't even know what your real name is."

The boy flashed a sly smile before he said, "Many are my names in many countries: _Queen-Thief_ among the Gnomes. _Destructor_ to the Manotaurs. To the Elves I am _Valacirca_. To the Dwarves _Tungolhelm_. _Olórin_ I was in my youth in the West. To the East I go not."

"Dude. I have no idea whether you're joking or not."

"Mabel always says I'm terrible at telling jokes." The teen said with a shrug and smile.

"Well, that's all still better than my middle name." Wendy stiffened once she realized what she'd blurted out. "No, wait! I- ugh, why did I say that?"

"What? What's your middle name?" Dipper nudged her. "You gotta tell me now."

Sighing in defeat, Wendy said, "Blerble. My name is Wendy Blerble Corduroy."

Dipper chuckled softly and held out his cup in a toast, "To our families: Whose creativity outweighs their good sense."

Realizing her friend wasn't making fun of her, Wendy smiled and picked up the cup by her feet, tapping it against the one offered. They both drank as the door behind them opened and Robbie stormed out.

"Wait for me?" Dipper asked as he walked into the bathroom.

"Of course!" Wendy chirped. Smiling, she looked down at the soda in her hands. "Wait. I wasn't drinking anything."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

After chasing him all over the Shack, Pacifica finally cornered Waddles in the gift shop. He was sitting on the floor eating something, her purse abandoned at his side.

"There you are, you horrible little monster!" The teen seethed.

"What!? What did you call me?!" The pig shouted in response.

Pacifica took a step back in fright. "You- you can talk?"

"Of course I can talk! I'm not some animal!"

"But, yes you are."

"What!? Oh, that's it. You are done for!"

Pacifica forgot about her purse and bolted out the door. This wasn't right. She needed to find Dipper now!

Gob stepped out from behind Waddles, "The red-haired human was right, that is a nasty one. I'll have to tell the others."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Still outside the bathroom, Wendy saw Pacifica fly into the hall. She knew something was wrong when the older girl approached her without a look of disdain.

"You! Where's Dipper?" The blonde shouted.

"What? Wh-"

"Shut up! Where is he?"

The teen's panic was clear and real, Wendy gestured to the door next to them, "He's in there."

Pacifica started pounding on the door and pulling the handle. "Dipper! Dipper, Dipper, Dipper, Dipper!"

The toilet flushed, and faucet ran, before Dipper stepped out. "What? What, what, what, what?"

"Waddles can talk, and he's mad at me!" The blonde squawked, clutching at Dipper's vest.

"Huh?" The boy's confusion was mirrored by the preteen next to him.

"Waddles stole my purse, and when I caught him I yelled at him, but he got mad that I yelled at him, and he doesn't like being called an animal."

"Okay... Let me rephrase my original question." Dipper said in a calm tone. "Huh?"

"The pig can talk!" The girl flailed her arms, trying to get the message across. "The pig can talk, and he doesn't like being called names!"

"Okay, Pacifica. Just calm down." The boy shushed her. "We both know Waddles can't talk. I don't think that's something he'd keep secret. I think you've just partied a little too hard. Why don't we call you chauffeur to come get you, and you can get a good night's sleep."

The blonde pushed Dipper away and shouted, "Don't talk to me like I'm hysterical. I'm not hysterical!"

She punctuated the statement by stamping her foot. A floorboard split apart with a _crack_ and her leg sank through the ground. Dipper grabbed the girl and started pulling her free. "Darn it Gruncle Stan. You let the Shack get like this, then you complain that people try to sue you all the time."

Pacifica was hyperventilating, "I'm sorry Waddles, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to call you a monster!"

Snorting and shuffling, the pig in question trotted towards the group. Pacifica yanked her foot free and ran out of the building as fast as she could on a twisted ankle. No more. Every time something supernatural happened, it tried to kill her.

"I'd better go after her. Make sure she doesn't get hurt." Dipper said, before looking down at Waddles. "So, you still can't talk, right?"

In response, the pig licked the boys hand and waddled into the next room.

"Didn't think so." He turned to Wendy who remained in shocked silence. "Man the fort while I find her."

The girl nodded as he slipped away.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The party was winding down, with some of the guests already leaving. DJ May-May decided it was time to announce the winner of the talent competition.

"Okay folks, we had a lot of great acts come up here tonight, but there can only be one winner." Mabel flourished an envelope which she had sealed a minute before. "The judges have made their decision!"

The partiers leaned forward in anticipation. Soos hopped from foot to foot, while Robbie stood with his arms crossed.

"The winner is…" Mabel's dramatic pause was a bit too long. "Thompson! For his stand-up comedy routine!"

The crowd cheered as the awkward boy walked on stage. While the teen handed him the trophy, Thompson said, "But those weren't jokes, that was a freeform poem about my hopes and fears."

Mabel's face fell as she looked between the boy and clapping audience. "Oh. Uh…" The twin gave him the only words of advice she could think of. "You might wanna pretend you were being funny on purpose."

The bulk of the guests followed Thompson as he left the building with his prize.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"What were you guys doing?" Wendy shouted at the assembled Hobgoblin elders. "She may be a jerk, but I didn't want to hurt her!"

"Our actions were not for you." Bob said. "It was in retaliation for the insults she laid upon Gob."

"That's right! She called me a monster and an animal. Such things cannot go unpunished." The rest of the creatures nodded in agreement.

"But she wasn't even talking to you." That got the Hobgoblins' attention.

"What do you mean?"

"The pig! She thought the pig took her purse, so she was scolding it! She didn't even know you were there." The redhead explained.

"Oh dear." Hob mumbled.

"And now she's freaking out!" Wendy continued. "And it wasn't even funny! I mean it was a little funny, but mostly it was like, _yikes_."

"We have erred." Hob announced to his clan. "We have done harm to a falsely accused, and must pay recompense. We will leave this place and travel to the dwelling of the human Pacifica."

"What?" Panic crept into Wendy's voice. "But what about the party? You're supposed to help here."

"We have done all the tasks you assigned to us. Our debt to the Twins is complete."

The Hobgoblins filed through a hidden passage, and were lost from view. Wendy replaced the panels on the wall, and walked downstairs in defeat.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

When Wendy opened the door, the floor room was empty save for Soos and the twins. The girl figured Stan had already gone to bed, leaving the four of them to clean up. Dipper was laying on the couch, his head resting on his sister's lap. Mabel was describing the party from the perspective of the DJ stand while petting his hair. The boy looked exhausted. Wendy wondered how the ordeal with Pacifica ended, but decided it was better not to ask.

What a crummy night. At least Soos looked happy, he hummed while he swept the floor, holding a bedazzled _Pitt_ can (the second place trophy Mabel just made).

Not feeling like cleaning yet, Wendy sat on the floor by the twins. She noticed that some music was still softly playing from the speakers. _Well, we're almost alone,_ the redhead thought. _No one will interrupt us, and there's nothing left to stress over. _Wendy opened her mouth to ask Dipper to dance, but the question died in her throat when she heard the snores coming from Mabel's lap. Missed her chance.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

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**.**


	5. High Five

**.**

**High Five**

**.**

The Mystery Fair. The cheapest show on Earth. Every year, Gruncle Stan would rent some carnies and host a jamboree for the townsfolk. This year was no different: Unsafe rides, dubious attractions, and questionable foods.

Soos and Wendy were hanging up fake safety inspection stickers. The girl was working hard for once, not only were they actually getting paid (albeit in carnival tickets), but because she had worked up the nerve to ask Dipper to hang out at the fair. She was determined not to mess this day up.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"It's twelve o'clock, people!" Mabel shouted through a bullhorn. "And the kissing booth is now open! C'mon cuties, just a dollar per smooch! That's a bargain if I ever heard one. I'm talkin' to you skinny jeans!"

The boy she pointed at ran off in the opposite direction. Mabel narrowed her eyes. He'd be back. They'd _all_ be back.

Dipper handed Wendy a Mystery Dog. They were probably safe to eat. After all, parasites usually only infested something that contained actual _food._ The teen took a bite (years of Gruncle Stan's cooking had made him immune to ptomaine poisoning anyway).

Swallowing, the boy asked, "So what do y'wanna do first?"

"I'm up for anything." The ginger said. Sniffing at her dog, she discreetly tossing it in the trash.

While finishing his snack, Dipper got some mustard on his vest. "Boo. Hold on a sec, I'll be back."

"I'll be here." Wendy shouted, then lowered her voice. "_No, don't go."_

"Aww, look at you two." Soos sidled up to his friend, holding sugary snacks in one hand and salty snacks in the other. "Gettin' your romance on."

"Shut up dude." The girl blushed and socked him in the shoulder. "Okay it's true! Everything's going great! I figured it out: All I have to do is be myself. It's just gotta be the 'myself' he likes."

Soos wasn't entirely sure that was how things worked, but his friend seemed happy and relaxed. Maybe being half right was good enough for now.

"Hey losers." Pacifica Northwest barged her way into the tweens' conversation. "Have either of you yokels seen Dipper around? I just got a new designer top that I'm sure he'd love to check out."

The older girl struck some poses like a fashion model. Her outfit looked exactly the same as it always did (Wendy was sure Dipper would agree), but the preteen couldn't take the chance of Pacifica ruining her day.

"Yeah. I saw him wander off into the dark spooky part of the forest." The redhead said. "Why don't you go in after him?"

"Maybe I will, brat." The teen said with a scowl before walking off.

"Man, what a jerk." Soos commented.

"Yeah. But she's a blonde jerk with boobs." Wendy explained frantically. "I've gotta keep her as far away from Dipper as possible."

"Don't worry dude." Her friend wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. "I've got you're back."

"Thanks man. I really appr-"

Wendy was interrupted when Soos pushed her away and pointed at a poster, "Oh my gosh! A corndog eating contest? That's my favorite kind of corndog related competition!"

The boy ran off without another word.

::::::::::::a:::::::::::::

Dipper returned with a de-mustarded vest. "Okay squirt, where were we?"

"Just deciding on what to do first."

"Well, we've got all day." The teen said. "Let's walk around for a bit, then go on some rides."

The duo strolled through the fair, laughing at the unidentifiable stuffed animals the game stalls offered as prizes. Finally, Dipper paused at the milk bottle toss, which had a selection of costume-jewelry for the winners.

"Huh. Is that a replica of the Bramham Moor Ring?" The boy said, pointing at a 'gold' finger ring. "I could actually use one of those."

Sensing an opportunity to impress her crush, Wendy handed the carny a ticket.

"My dad taught me how to win at these games." The redhead explained. "As long as you throw hard enough, it doesn't matter whether it's rigged or not."

Her older friend gave her a thumbs-up as she wound up for the pitch. Her father's advice was sound. She managed to knock over all the pins, but maybe she hadn't appreciated her own strength. The ball ricochet off the back wall and hit Dipper in the temple.

The boy fell to the ground. Wendy dropped to her knees in panic, yelling, "Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

"Gruncle Stan, I don' wanna wear the wolf costume." Was the only response she got.

"Uh, uh. Don't worry, I'll go get some ice."

Running for the freezer on the porch, Wendy grabbed a bag of ice. Tripping over her own long legs (_stupid lumberjack genes_), the redhead made it back to the game booth, only to see Pacifica holding a frozen latte to Dipper's head.

"Oh, you poor thing." The teen girl cooed. "Just ease you face on there."

"Thanks Pacifica." Dipper slurred. "Tha's really nice a' you"

The blonde took a deep breath and steeled herself. "So Dipper. I know we haven't always seen eye-to-eye in the past. But we've been hanging out a lot lately, and I was wandering… Would you like to go out with me?"

The boy swayed back and forth unsteadily, but managed to say, "Sure, I guess so."

"Great!" Pacifica grabbed his hand.

"Hey. Could you check my pupils?"

The girl smiled coyly, "Why Dipper, you don't have to make up excuses for me to stare into your eyes."

"No, seriously." The twin said. "Check to see if my pupils match, I think I have a concussion."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wendy dropped the ice bag as her rival pulled Dipper to the _Tunnel of Love and Corndogs _(seriously, what was it with this fair and corndogs? She'd have to ask Stan about that later).

"Everything is different now." She mumbled to herself.

"Wendy, Wendy!" Soos ran up to the girl, practically jumping on top of her. "I won the eating contest! Look what they gave me. It's a little machine that makes farting noises!"

The boy started pushing buttons on the box in his hands. _Pfrt. Pfrt. PPPrrttt!_

"Ha! Who comes up with this stuff?" The boy said. He finally looked at the expression on his friends face and asked, "What's wrong?"

Wendy could only lift her arm and point at Pacifica and Dipper walking hand-in-hand.

Soos said, "Oh, _Pplrpt!"_

::::::::::::::::::t:::::::::::::::::

Wendy couldn't believe it. Dipper was going out with Pacifica Northwest, and it was all because of her. If she hadn't beaned him in the head, Pacifica wouldn't have had an opportunity to comfort him. And without that, they still would have spent the day together.

The redhead lay on the skeeball machine, uncaring of the people who wanted to play.

"C'mon, Wendy." Soos tried to console his friend. "So what if your crush picked the girl you hate over you. So what if you were directly responsible for ruining your own chances with him. So what if… Hang on, sorry, I kinda forgot where I was going with that train of thought…"

Wendy moaned and rolled off the game. Maybe a walk would clear her head.

The sun was getting low in the sky, and some of the booths were already packing up. The redhead reached the outskirts of the fair, she was about to turn around when a voice called out to her.

"You girl." A withered hand beckoned her from behind a tent curtain. "I sense your troubles. Come, and I will ease your pain."

The girl shrugged. She still had some tickets left, maybe this would take her mind off things.

Inside the tent was a classic fortune teller's setup, including a crystal ball and palmistry charts. An old woman coaxed Wendy onto a stool in front of the table. The girl recognized her as a regular merchant at the town swap meet. The wrinkled green skin and hunched figure was hard to forget. The kids at school all claimed she was a witch, something Wendy would have dismissed before this summer began.

"You grieve." The crone stated. "You regret an action in your past, and wish to amend it."

"Maybe." While everything the witch said was true, Wendy was skeptical of anyone who set up shop at one of Stan's events.

"If you could undo one mistake, you're sure your present would be a happy one."

"Yes." The preteen begrudgingly admitted.

"I can help you win your young man, Wendy Corduroy."

The girl started. "How do you know my name?"

"I know many things." The old woman stated. "And I feel your pain. For I too have had love slip through my fingers."

"What do you mean you can help?"

"With magic of course!" The witch walked to a trunk and rummaged inside. "With this, you can undo what is done."

The crone passed Wendy a shriveled-up monkey's paw. The girl's skin crawled when the thing touched her hand, but she didn't let go.

"This will grant you five wishes. More than enough to fix your mistakes."

The redhead's doubts were vanishing. She knew magic existed, and really, how many non-witch old ladies carried around mummified hands?* "So, I just say what I want, and this'll make it happen?"

"Yes. That's all it takes." The woman confirmed.

Wendy was about to accept, but stopped when a thought struck her, "Wait… This isn't one of those cursed dealies where it twists everything I say around?"

"Nah, nah." The witch said. "All those '_ironic cursed wish_' stories were made up by bitter people who never had any of their wishes fulfilled."

The preteen thought for a moment, "Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks!"

Before she could leave, the crone yelled, "Hang on kid! That'll be twenty bucks."

Wendy huffed and reached into her pocket. These carnivals always found a way to rip you off.

::::::::::::::::::b:::::::::::::::::::

Outside, Wendy looked at the monkey paw in her hand. It wasn't any worse than the attractions in the Mystery Shack, but for some reason it gave her the heebie-jeebies. Taking a deep breath, the girl spoke out loud, "I wish I could do this day over again."

**….**

"It's twelve o'clock people!" Mabel shouted through a bullhorn. "And the kissing booth is now open! C'mon cuties, just a dollar per smooch! That's a bargain if I ever heard one. I'm talkin' to you skinny jeans!"

It worked! She was back at the start of the fair. All she had to do now was avoid hitting Dipper, and everything would be fine.

The girl and her crush went through their day together until they reached the pin-toss. Wendy handed the carny a ticket as soon as Dipper showed interest in the ring. The redhead aimed carefully and threw the ball. It hit the edge of the table and bounced back into the boy's head.

Wendy gaped at the teen crouching on the ground. _This couldn't be happening_. She was at a loss for words, even as Pacifica came up scowling at her, offering the boy help.

When the new couple walked away, Wendy took the paw out of her pocket and stared at it. The stupid thing hadn't worked.

Soos ran up, telling his friend about winning the corndog contest. After stopping to take a breath, the boy saw what his friend was holding and said, "Aw, cool! Where'd you get that novelty jerky from? Can I have a bite?"

The ginger shook herself out of her stupor. "What? No! It's supposed to be a magic wishing paw, but it doesn't work."

The girl explained what had happened, detailing both of her days at the fair.

Soos rubbed his chin in thought. "So… you got a magic wishy thing to change how your day went… And you wished to do the exact same day over again?"

"No! I-" Wendy smacked her forehead. "I guess I did. I guess you need to be really specific. Stupid witch! She promised irony free wishes!"

The girl held out the paw again and began to speak before Soos interrupted her, "Wait! Can I come too? I wanna win that corndog eating contest again."

Wendy shrugged and said, "I wish I didn't hit Dipper in the head today, and that Soos could come back and win his competition again."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Huh. Is that a replica of the Bramham Moor Ring?" Dipper said, pointing at a 'gold' finger ring offered as a prize. "I could actually use one of those."

It took a moment for Wendy to orient herself. By the time she did, Soos had already run off to the eating contest. Slapping a ticket down, the girl was confident she wouldn't mess up this time.

She threw the ball at the pins. It did ricochet off the wall, but missed Dipper's head completely. Instead, it hit him in the groin.

"_Why!"_ The boy moaned.

Wendy slammed her head down on the booth's counter while Pacifica came up to drag Dipper away. Soos ran up with a huge grin "Man, I am gonna throw up so much later!"

While the boy played with his fart machine, his ginger friend spat, "Why did your part of the wish work?!"

"I donno dude. Maybe the thing just doesn't like you."

Gripping the monkey paw with both hands, Wendy screamed, "I wish Dipper wasn't dating Pacifica!"

:::::::::::::::::a::::::::::::::::::

Dipper handed his younger friend a Mystery Dog, before taking a bite of his own "So, what do you wanna do first?"

Wendy looked at the 'food' in her palm, then back at her crush. "Uh, well-"

"_Diiiipperrrrr!" _She was interrupted by high a pitch yell coming towards them. "Dipper! I need your help!"

Mabel latched onto her brother's arm and started dragging him away. "Hold on! Mabel, what do you want?"

"No time to explain!" His twin answered. "Hurry!"

_Well, that was new._ Wendy thought._ And here comes Pacifica. Looks like she didn't see where they went._ Maybe this was her lucky break.

The preteen paid close attention to the clock. The time of her original bludgeoning of Dipper came and went. _That's good, right? It was just a wrong-place, wrong-time thing, right?_

Mabel walked up to the younger girl. "Hey Wendy. How are you liking the fair?"

"It's fine." She answered. "So, what did you need Dipper for?"

"Oh, yeah." The teen giggled embarrassedly. "I drank a little too much Mabel Juice this morning, and needed to use the bathroom. So I had Dip watch my kissing booth for me."

"Kissing booth?" The tween's face paled.

"Yep. Couldn't have anyone giving out unauthorized smooches, could I?"

Just then, Dipper approached the girls, looking slightly disheveled and holding a jar full of money.

"Mabel?" The boy said, bewildered. "I think I might be hot."

"What the?" His sister said. "Where'd all that money come from?"

"The kissing booth. They just kept coming. So like I said: I think I might be hot now."

"Sorry to break this to ya bro-bro." Mabel said, frowning at the full jar. "But those were my kisses. You just got them by mistake."

"Oh. Okay." the teen was still dazed. "Are the phone numbers for you too?"

"What?!"

"Yeah. I got like, five numbers?" He explained. "For dates, I guess."

Wendy stormed off while the teens were talking. Behind the funnel cake stand she started kicking the wall, shouting, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" Clutching the paw, she yelled, "I wish this day would go right!"

Pouting, Mabel asked, "So, are you gonna call any of those numbers?"

"No way." Her brother said, regaining some lucidity. "They were all from creepy older ladies, like, Mom's age and up. In fact, everyone who got in line was pretty high on the creep-o scale. I think kissing booths only draw out the pervs."

"That sucks." The girl said.

"Yeah it does." Looking around, Dipper asked. "Hey, have you seen Wendy? We were supposed to hang out today."

::::::::::::::::::s:::::::::::::::::

"Huh. Is that a replica of the Bramham Moor Ring?" The boy said, pointing at a 'gold' finger ring. "I could actually use one of those."

Wendy shook her head. What had her wish been? She hadn't thought about it, just shouted out in anger. She put a ticket on the counter and accepted the baseball. That this day would go right? Well, that was vague. She looked to Dipper, who gave her a thumbs up. The redhead tossed the ball. It hit the pins, hit the wall, and hit Dipper. She watched silently as Pacifica came to comfort the injured boy, then whisked him away. Wendy pulled the mummified paw out of her pocket.

"So that's the right way for this day to go, huh?" She asked. "I wish I had my twenty dollars back."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The sun was low in the sky as Wendy stood on the outskirts of the fair, dehydrated animal part still in hand.

"Hey, kid." A voice whispered from a tent. "Is that a magic wishing paw?"

The preteen recognized the witch from… _earlier? _

"Yeah, it is." She should know, she's the one who sold it to her. Or did she?

"Ooo, I've always wanted one of those." The crone clapped her hands. "How much you want for it?"

Wendy looked at the cursed object. "Twenty bucks. I mean forty. Fifty bucks." (Her time at the Mystery Shack had not been spent in vain).

The witch rummaged through her pockets, pulling out some bills. Before handing over the cash she asked, "Wait a minute. This isn't one of those cursed wishy deals, is it?"

"Nah." Wendy explained, a sly smirk spreading across her lips. "All those 'be careful what you wish for' stories were made up by jerks who never had their wishes come true."

::::::::::::::::::::h:::::::::::::::::

Mabel lay on her bed, looking at her woefully shallow jar of earnings from that day. The setting sun shone through the dream-catcher hanging in the window, casting a shadowy net over her body. The girl's brother walked into the room and went over to a pile of papers on his nightstand.

"Hey bro-bro." The besweatered twin said with a sigh. "How was your day at the fair?"

"Well… I got a concussion." The boy paused for a moment. "But when I woke up I had a girlfriend. So, overall, I'd say it was pretty good."

His sister pouted. She had heard about him and Pacifica through the gossip mill, and while she was happy for her brother, Mabel would have been happier if she'd had some luck in the romance department too. Dipper continued his work, stepping over to a covered easel in the corner.

"What did you say to Wendy when you went off with your new girlfriend?" The girl asked.

Dipper stopped with his hand on the sheet. He had forgotten about his younger friend, and his promise to spend the day with her (to be fair, he'd forgotten about a lot of things after the baseball to the head).

"I guess I didn't say anything." Was his bashful response.

Mabel gave him a disapproving glare.

"Hey!" The boy knew he was in the wrong, but still felt the need to defend himself. "I was suffering from head trauma! I couldn't be expected to fulfill every single obligation I had."

Mabel's look didn't let up.

Dipper sighed, he did feel bad about his mistake. "Okay. I'll figure out a way to make it up to her. I'll take her on a mystery hunt, or something. Just me and her."

The alpha twin's expression softened. Someone had to keep him in line. The boy pulled the sheet off his easel, revealing pictures of townsfolk and the words _People of Interest._ A map at the bottom had red thumbtacks sticking from it, strands of yarn connected them to photos of graffiti.

"Get any more clues?" Mabel asked.

"Nah." Her brother said. "I pulled a can of paint off that bratty kid Robbie. But I'm pretty sure he's just the one spraying pictures of muffins around town."

"What kind of person has a muffin for a tag?"

"I know, right?" Dipper agreed. "I'll check the paint samples just to make sure, but it's probably another dead end."

"Are you sure this is something we need to worry about?" Mabel tried to put on an air of skepticism, but the fear was clear in her voice.

Dipper grimaced and looked at his chart. More specifically, the graffiti he'd been snapping photos of all over town. Rubbing his arm, he said, "Yeah. It's something we need to worry about."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

**.**

*You'd be surprised.

**.**

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	6. Summerween

**.**

**Summerween**

**.**

The Mystery Shack was decorated with plastic skeletons and foam tombstones. Fake blood oozed from the walls, turning the front steps into a slipping hazard. Soos had come into work dressed as a luchador, he was currently rigging the doorbell to scream instead of chime. Wendy wore her usual outfit (since today was one of her dad's and brothers' favorite holidays, she'd always seen it as kinda immature). The girl was pouring candy into baskets, discreetly moving her favorite sweets to the bottom so they'd be left over after the night.

The doorbell screamed (nice work, Soos), and Wendy ran to greet the early trick-or-treaters.

"Hey brat." Pacifica was at the door.

Wendy bit her tongue, trying not to spit out a retort.

"Nice redneck costume." The older girl commented. "Oh, wait. That's how you always look."

_Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Don't freak out._ Fortunately, the preteen was interrupted before she could lunge for the jugular.

"Hey, babe. You're early." Dipper said as he walked downstairs, kissing the blonde on the cheek.

Pacifica wrapped an arm around the boy's waist. "Mabel said she had something special planned for us before we go."

"Oh no. That can't be good." Dipper said. He noticed his younger friend, and ruffled her pigtails. "Hey Wendy. The gang's gonna hang out tonight, you and Soos should come with us."

The redhead cocked an eyebrow, "You mean trick-or-treating?"

Pacifica scoffed, but her boyfriend nudged her and interrupted, "Nah, we've got something more stupid and teenage-y planed."

"Sure, that sounds great!" Wendy's brace filled smile had nothing at all to do with Pacifica's scowl. Nope.

Mabel then bounded down the stairs and jumped on Pacifica, wrapping her arms around the girl in a crushing hug. "Eee! You're here!"

"Ack! Yes Mabel. I got your message." The blonde managed to free herself.

"Okay. Okay." The besweatered twin took some deep breaths to calm down. "This is you and Dipper's first Summerween as a couple, and you know what that means?"

"Uh… That we've been dating for almost a week?"

"No!" Mabel shouted. "It means: Theme Costumes!"

Pacifica stared at the hyper girl in confusion, while Dipper just let out a long-suffering sigh.

"I got it all figured out." Mabel explained. "You're lucky Paci. You got the two world renowned trick-or-treating experts on your side!"

"Mabel." Dipper interrupted. "I really don't think Pacifica's interested in dressing up."

"What? Nah!" The girl laughed at her twin's naïveté. "Everyone loves costumes. Especially when Mabel's the designer!"

"Er… What did you have in mind?" Pacifica asked.

"It's great!" The brunette's grin threatened to split her cheeks. "Since this is the first year one of us has had a date for Summer and/or Halloween, I've got the perfect twins-plus-lover outfits ready." She held out a black vest and brown slacks for Pacifica, while keeping a black tunic and utility belt for herself. "You're gonna be Han Solo, I'm gonna be Luke, and Dipper's gonna be Princess Leia!"

Dipper groaned, "Why exactly am I Leia?"

His sister rolled her eyes, "Because Paci is playing Han, _duh!_"

"Look Mabel." The boy sighed. "I appreciate the effort, but I think we should just skip dressing up this year."

"But I spent all night taking-in the Slave Leia costume for you." The girl said with a pout, holding out a brown and gold plastic bikini.

Dipper buried his face in his hands. "Mabel. No one. Anywhere. _Ever_. Would want to see me in that." The boy looked to his girlfriend, "Right?"

Pacifica's eyes had glossed over and her breathing became heavy as she looked at the skimpy material in her friend's hand.

Dipper turned to Wendy, "Right?"

The younger girl mirrored her rival's expression.

Turning back, the boy nudged the heiress with his elbow, "_Right?"_

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Right." Snapping back to reality, the blond addressed her friend. "I'm sorry Mabel, but I'm really not comfortable dressing up for Summerween after all these years. It's something I let go of when I was a kid."

"Poo." Mabel frowned, dropping the costumes to the floor. "How about a _Rocky Horror _theme then? We could dress Dipper up in fishnets and-"

"No!" The boy shouted, and started pushing his twin up the stairs.

:::::::::::::::a10::::::::::::::::::

"And then the police officer said, _The call is coming from inside the house! Get out now! _But it was too late." Candy lowered the flashlight she'd been holding under her face as she finished her story.

Mabel and Soos clapped for the girl, but the rest of the group wore bored expressions.

"What?" The bespectacled girl asked. "That was scary, wasn't it?"

"No offense, Candy." Pacifica answered. "But I think everyone in the world has already heard that story."

Candy crossed her arms and moped. The teens, along with Wendy and Soos, had snuck into the cemetery to tell scary stories that night. The redhead was a little disappointed to learn their plans, she had expected something a bit more exciting. Then again, the last time she'd hung out with the teens had turned out to be _too_ exciting for the older kids. Maybe this was what _normal_ people did on Summerween, and she'd just gotten too used to the _paranormal_.

"How about we let Dipper have the next turn." Pacifica said, scooting closer to her boyfriend. "I bet he knows some good scary stories."

The boy rubbed the back of his head and accepted the flashlight. "Well, I'm not that good at making up stories. But I do know a lot of regional history, and keep track of recent events."

Dipper switched on the light, and began his narrative, "A lot of bad things happen that local authorities try to keep out of the news, and Gravity Falls is no exception to this rule. A string of murders happened in this town, that were as gruesome as they were random. The police were baffled. The killer seemed to have no motive or pattern, and what's worse, they were so efficient that they could claim victims at opposite ends of town in a single night. So far, the cops and city council were able to keep the deaths quiet. The murderer had been targeting loners, tourists traveling alone, or strangers passing through town. People who wouldn't be missed if they were gone. It wasn't until the murderer killed a group of teenagers, teens at this very cemetery, that the town took notice. But it made no difference. Covered up, or exposed, the police couldn't find the killer. Every suspect had a solid alibi. Then, as suddenly as they began, the killings stopped. But the crime remained a mystery."

Dipper paused to look around the group, seeing them all leaning forward with attention. His eyes met with Mabel's for a moment, before he continued. "But I figured out the clue the police missed. I figured out how the murderer could move between crime scenes so fast, and why everyone interviewed had an alibi: The cops were only looking for one killer. There were two. They'd go out alone or together, at the same place or different locations. Every scene they left was so like the others, that no one even considered it could be done by different people. And now, they're out there. Waiting."

When the boy finished speaking, the others leaned back in silence. Not wanting to appear like the story had gotten to her, Pacifica said, "Well, that was really something, hon. But I've lived in this town my whole life, and I've never heard of any rash of unsolved murders."

"Oh, I have an explanation for that too." Dipper said with a sly smirk. All of a sudden, his expression darkened. In one swift motion, both he and Mabel were standing, flashlights casting shadows over their faces. "_The murders haven't happened yet."_

The twins turned their lights off, plunging the graveyard in an inky gloom. There were screams and shouts. Soos fell backwards into an open grave, Candy and Grenda held onto each other. Gorney's body went rigid and he tipped over sideways. Wendy and Pacifica both grabbed hold of the person next to them (which happened to be each other, something they'd both deny ever happened).

"It's finally happened!" Grenda shouted. "They've finally gone insane!"

Dipper and Mabel turned on their flashlights, and collapsed to the ground laughing. When it became apparent that they weren't about to die, Pacifica pushed Wendy away and swatted her boyfriend on the arm, "That wasn't funny!"

"It was totally funny." Mabel said, struggling to catch her breath.

The heiress crossed her arms and huffed, but everyone's mood soon lightened. Before anyone offered to tell another story, Dipper turned to Grenda and asked, "What did you mean when you said, 'they've finally gone insane'?"

The girl chuckled nervously, scratching the back of her head. "Well, we kinda made a list of who's most likely to go crazy… And you're at the top."

Dipper cocked an eyebrow at this information.

"Yeah. First is you. Then Mabel and Gorney are tied for second. Then Candy, then Pacifica. Then me, 'cause I'm the most well-adjusted."

"Okay…" The boy responded. "So. What are your contingency plans for if that ever happens?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, if I were gonna make a list like that, I'd make sure that I knew what to do about it. Known weaknesses, places they're most familiar with, who the likely first target would be. That sort of stuff."

"Y'see, that's kinda why you're at the top of the list." Grenda explained.

The boy accepted this answer with grace (actually, he stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at her), and sat back down. "Who else has a story?"

"I've got one!" Wendy said. The redhead scooted closer to the center of the group so that all eyes were on her. "Not long ago, there was a cafeteria worker at Gravity Falls Middle School named Mr. Friedly. His dream was to move to Portland and become an artisanal chef, but his cooking was terrible. After five years on the job, the school was ready to fire him. They said that if he couldn't get the kids to eat his food, they'd get rid of him. That's what drove him over the edge, if he couldn't make it as a school cook, then there was no way he'd make it in a real restaurant. He decided he'd get the kids to eat his cooking, one way or the other. After the last bell of the day, he snatched up a bunch of kids idling in the halls. He taped cooking utensils to his fingers, and force-fed the children until they were in tears. Hours after he began, the cops burst into the kitchen, ready to arrest him. He was so surprised, he knocked over the deep fryer, starting a fire. The police got the kids out, but Friedly was caught in the flames. He blamed the schoolchildren for his bad luck, and as he died, he swore revenge on all those who had refused to eat his cooking. And that's where the story begins…"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

**Nightmare On Gopher Road**

_"Another teenager has been admitted to the hospital with the same mysterious stomach virus that has been spreading around Gravity Falls." _Toby Determined's voice came through the radio. "_Health officials are still baffled as to the origins of this rash of, what doctors are calling, 'severe food poisoning.' The only common factor between patients is that they've all been between the ages of twelve and seventeen."_

The bell above the Mystery Shack door rang. Stan looked up from the register to see who walked in. "Wendy, you're late."

"I don't even work here Mr. Pines." The redhead replied.

"No excuses. I expect everyone to be here on time."

The girl didn't respond, just yawned and let her head slump forward.

"Yeesh, you okay kid? Those bags under your eyes are worse than Dipper's." Stan said, noticing the exhausted state the preteen was in.

Wendy dragged her feet to the counter, "All three of my brothers got sick with that stupid stomach flu. They were up all night puking, which means I was up all night listening to it."

"The Corduroy boys are sick you say?" Mabel popped up from behind a shelf, scaring the tween out of her stupor.

"Uh, yeah."

"Interesting…" The older girl brought a finger to her chin. "I bet they could use some tender love and attention from Dr. Mabel."

From the other side of the room, Dipper spoke up, "Mabel, don't you think they're suffering enough already? They're probably still traumatized from the first time they met you, anyway."

The girl stuck her tongue out. "You just don't appreciate my skills as a caretaker." With that, she skipped out of the room and upstairs.

Wendy looked to the remaining twin for an explanation.

Dipper sighed, "During out first stay at Gravity Falls, Mabel was going through her 'boy crazy' phase. Your brothers were among her attempted summer romances."

"_'Was_ going through'?" Wendy asked. "As in, she's not like that anymore?"

"Yeah. So you can probably understand why I said 'traumatized.'"

Mabel ran back into the room wearing a white labcoat and holding a glittery pink medical bag. "Dr. Mabel is on the case!"

"No she isn't." Stan said bluntly. "I don't need my employees getting sick."

"Aww. C'mon Gruncle Stan!"

"Nope." The old man shook his head. "Those bugs spread like wildfire. If you catch it, your brother's gonna get, then I'll be stuck with two sick kids and no workers."

"You're worried about us, aren't you?" Mabel said with a grin.

"I'm worried about bad publicity." The conman said. "While you two throwing up on tourists would be hilarious, it wouldn't be good for business."

"Nuh-uh! It's 'cause you love us!" The teen said, skipping to her uncle's side. "Admit it. You love us! Love, love, love!"

"Meh!" Stan grumbled, walking into the back.

"He loves us." Mabel looked over at her twin. "Well, I'm off to cure those poor boys of their loneliness!"

Dipper watched his sister leave, then turned back to his young friend. "I never put the two together, but maybe that's why we didn't meet you till this year. Your family wanted to keep you away from _those crazy Pines twins_."

"Nah, I don't think so." Wendy shook her head. "My brothers never even mentioned they knew you guys. I've always spent my summers at _Lumberjack Camp._ I was finally able to convince my dad I was too old for it this year."

"Well, let's hope this doesn't get you sent back there."

:::::::::::::::b11::::::::::::::

Wendy spent most of the day dozing in the family room. Stan would occasionally walk through and grouse about the girl's laziness, but didn't kick her out. With Mabel gone AWOL, the codger figured he might need the kid rested and disease-free tomorrow.

It wasn't long before Mabel returned to the Shack. While she didn't have any luck personally, she was proud to announce that, as soon as they saw her, the Corduroy brothers felt well enough to go for a jog. She and Soos spent the afternoon baking dinosaur-shaped cookies before going back to work.

By evening, nobody had gotten sick, and Stan decided it was time for the two preteens to go home. It was only Wendy and her dad at the dinner table that night, her siblings still couldn't keep any food down. When the boys did make their presence known, they'd complain about dreaming of a monster. Wendy thought this was unfair to Mabel, sure the girl could be a little intense, but she wasn't monstrous.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In bed, Wendy was dreaming. It was the one where she was a warrior princess from the moons of Venus. She had just rescued the dashing brown-eyed Earth scientist from the clutches of the evil empress of Neptune. He was about to show her his gratitude (_this was the best part!_), when she heard… _Spoons_? Someone was playing spoons.

Suddenly, Wendy was no longer in her beamship, but her school cafeteria. She looked around to see who was clacking silverware together, when she realized she'd forgotten her lunch. _Ugh._ She'd have to buy food here. Someone needed to tell the cook that a fedora was not an appropriate substitute for a hairnet. The girl walked up to the serving area and grabbed a tray. It should have seemed strange that she was the only one in the room, but it didn't.

There he was, Mr. Friedly the cook. Wendy held out her tray to him. The man stuck his whole hand into the slop he was serving, and shoveled it onto her plate. The redhead noticed his fingers were extra long and ended in… _tines? And a scoop?_ She looked up and recoiled, his face was a hideous mask of scars.

He grinned at her and said, "Eat up, kid."

:::::::::::c12:::::::::::

Gasping, Wendy shot upright in bed. Her stomach turned, the smell of the awful food lingered in her nostrils, and the sight of the deformed cafeteria worker was burned into her mind. The sound of retching from across the hall told the girl that her brothers were still sick. She hoped the nausea she was feeling was just from her dream, and not the virus.

The next morning, Wendy dragged her feet through the Mystery Shack door. She didn't sleep again after the nightmare. It wasn't that the dream was particularly scary either (she'd been watching horror movies since she was three, and this summer had introduced her to plenty of ghosts and monsters), it was how real everything felt. The whole ordeal bothered the girl so much that she decided to confide her feelings with Soos.

The boy's eyes widened when Wendy finished her description. He whispered, "No way."

"What?" The redhead asked.

"Dude. I had the exact same dream!" Soos said. Then, after a beat, he added. "Well, except for the part about making out with Dipper. Mine started with Mr. Pines saving me from this British dog-man, then he took me to Hoo-Ha Owl's. Then, the restaurant turned into the school lunchroom, and the cook guy tried to feed me this gross stuff."

"I- I never said I dreamt about Dipper!" The tween's face went pink.

"A dashing brown-eyed astronaut?" Soos raised an eyebrow at his friend. "C'mon, dude. I'm not that clueless."

The blush not leaving her cheeks, Wendy said, "That's not important anyway. How could we have dreamed about the same person?"

"I donno." The pudgy boy said. "But did you notice that he looked just like the cafeteria guy who died last year? Y'know, except for the _foosh!"_ He gestured to his face.

"Yeah, he did." Wendy paused in thought. She had noticed that while in her dream. He wore the same fedora and ugly sweater that Mr. Friedly always wore. "Didn't something weird happen right before he died? It was in all the papers, but my dad wouldn't say anything about it."

"Yeah, you're right." Soos agreed. "I asked my teacher about it after the fire, but she didn't really explain."

"Something's not right here. We need answers." The redhead looked to her friend. "We gotta go to the library."

"Aww, boo."

::::::::::::::x7::::::::::::::

The Gravity Falls Library was surprisingly large for such a small and less-than-literary town. Wendy collected a stack of newspapers from the previous autumn, and set them between herself and Soos. It didn't take long for the tweens to find what they were looking for. It was the biggest story the _Gossiper_ had seen in years. A fire at the school was good for a few days reporting, but _kidnapping,_ that could fill page space for weeks.

"Dang. So he really was crazy." Wendy mused.

"Poor guy." Soos said. "All he wanted was to succeed at something he wasn't any good at and should have given up on a long time ago."

The redhead stared at her friend, "Abducting children and force-feeding them till they pass out is not a healthy way to cope with failure."

"Well, when you put it like that, he does sound kinda cuckoo for coco-poofs."

"And here." The girl said, pointing at a block of text. "It says when he died, he swore vengeance on all the kids who didn't like his cooking."

"So, like, all the kids in school then." Soos said.

"Yeah…" Wendy thought for a moment. She remembered how nauseous she felt after her dream, and waking up to the sound of her brother ralphing. "Soos, did you feel sick after your nightmare?"

"I kinda did, actually." The boy said. "How'd you know?"

"We need to check the journal."

:::::::::::::::y8::::::::::::::

Level 9 Ghosts. Spirits who can manipulate the dreams of the living to affect them in the waking world. The pieces fit. So far, only kids who went to middle school while Mr. Friedly worked there had gotten sick. Sure, it could all be a coincidence, but Wendy had become pretty suspicious of coincidences over the past few weeks.

It had been a long day, and Wendy fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. There were no normal dreams this time, just the cafeteria. She wanted to run, but her feet forced her into the lunch line. There he was, Mr. Friedly, scarred and hipster-y. She didn't wake up, and he didn't bother using her tray. Friedly scooped up a handful of sludge, and forced his whole arm down the girl's throat.

Wendy shot up in bed. She barely made it to the bathroom before the contents of her stomach emptied.

Definitely not a coincidence.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Maybe we can get Mabel to knit him a new sweater." Soos suggested.

"He wants revenge, not a new outfit." Wendy felt like crap. Three nights without decent sleep, and now she felt like she'd been kicked in the guts. But she knew this problem wasn't going away on its own, that's why she dragged herself to the Shack to form a plan.

"How about one of your shirts then?" The boy said. "Hipsters like flannel, right?"

"Dude, don't make me feel bad about my style."

The two preteens were in the living room. It was a slow day for tourists, so they were able talk without being yelled at.

"Well, how'd the journal say to stop these guys?" Soos asked.

"It didn't." The redhead answered. "It just described them and their powers."

"Why don't you ask Dipper then? Maybe he knows something the book doesn't."

That was a good question. Why hadn't she asked Dipper? The girl had told herself that if the journal didn't know, then how could he? She also convinced herself that she was protecting him, he wasn't a target, but if he got involved he might be. But thinking about it, none of that made sense. No, if she was honest, she wanted to do this on her own. She wanted to prove she was a mystery solver.

"Blargh, fine." Wendy huffed. "I'll ask him."

:::::::::::::::z9:::::::::::::::

Upstairs, the ginger girl knocked on the twins' door.

"Come in!" Dipper shouted through the wall. "Oh, hey Wendy."

As she entered, the girl saw her friend standing by a sheet-covered easel. She quashed her curiosity and asked what she came to find out. "So… I've been reading up on ghosts lately."

"Oh, yeah?" The boy looked genuinely interested.

"And I was wondering… How do you get rid of a level 9?"

"Well, the thing about level 9s is- wait." Dipper's eyes narrowed. "Why are you interested in dream-ghosts specifically?"

"Oh, y'know, reasons." The tween tried to play it cool.

"Wendy." The brunette took on a serious tone. "When I gave you that journal, I told you to keep me in on what you're doing. Spill it. Are you dealing with a level 9?"

"I think so." The girl said to the floor. "I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think the old school chef is the one making everyone sick."

Dipper thought for a moment, then said, "Have you seen him?"

"Yes. So has Soos."

"Dang." The teen frowned. "This is serious biz."

"Do you know how to stop him?" Wendy asked.

"Yeah, but you can't do it alone." Her crush answered. "Do you know what the ghost wants?"

"He swore revenge on all the kids who refused to eat his cooking."

"Crap. That means he'll ignore me and Mabel." The boy said. "Also, that's a pretty weird thing to seek revenge over."

"I know, right?" The redhead said. "So, how do I defeat this guy?"

"Okay." Dipper took a deep breath, and started to explain. "Dream-ghosts only have power in the Mindscape. To banish them, you need to forcibly drag them into the conscious realm. At that point, they're no more powerful than a level 1, and you can get rid of them the same way."

"How do I do that?"

"It'll be difficult." The teen said. "If I'm not a target, he won't let me into his dream scenario with you. You'll have to go with Soos. This isn't something you can do without backup."

Putting her friend in danger didn't sit right with Wendy. But the boy was in danger anyway, and she knew he could hold his own. The girl nodded.

Dipper rummaged around in a drawer, and pulled out a dreamcatcher. "You can use this to snare him."

"Why do you guys have so many dreamcatchers?"

"I have insomnia." Dipper gave as a non-answer. "Come back here tonight. Me and Mabel will be able to wake you guys up if something goes wrong."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

After sunset, the two preteens returned to the Shack. Wendy told her dad she was staying over at Soos', and Soos told his abuelita he was sleeping over at Wendy's. Mabel had set up the recliner with blankets and pillows. She got the tweens settled in when Dipper walked into the room.

"Okay. When you're in the dream, you'll have to get close enough to the ghost to catch him in this." The Pines brother handed Wendy a dreamcatcher tied to a poll.

"You want us to trap an evil spirit in a butterfly net?" The girl asked.

"Yes." Dipper gave each of the kids a bottle of liquid. "Once you've got him, wake up, and he'll be dragged out of the dreamscape with you. Once he's in this plane, sprinkle him with anointed water, and he should be banished."

"Should be?"

"Remember," The boy continued. "When he's here, you two will be the only ones who'll see him. So it's gotta be you guys who banish him."

The preteens saluted and hunkered down on the overstuffed chair. Wendy took deep breaths to calm her nerves. Three days without sleep was making it easy for the redhead to nod off, but her friend kept squirming next to her.

Finally, Soos sat up straight and said, "I can't do it man. I can't just fall asleep knowing there's a ghost waiting for me in there."

"Just try to relax."

"How are you supposed to relax when a crazy cafeteria worker is out to get you?" The boy was becoming frantic. "I'll never be able to sleep."

Wendy rolled her eyes and tossed a blanket over Soos' head. Almost immediately, the boy slumped over and began snoring. The twins looked to their younger friend in confusion. Wendy just shrugged.

"He's like a canary." She explained. "If you put a sheet over him, he falls asleep. One year he went trick-or-treating as a ghost. I found him standing in the middle of the street snoring because the eye-holes got turned around."

"Well, that's… a thing." Mabel managed to say.

Wendy laid back and closed her eyes. She felt herself ebb further and further from consciousness, rocking on waves of hazy blankness.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The first thing she noticed was the smell. It smelled exactly the way food shouldn't. She opened her eyes to see the bright, light beige walls of the cafeteria. She turned her head. Beside her was Soos, a worried expression on his face. On her opposite side was the dreamcatcher/butterfly net. In front of her was a tray of slop even Waddles would hesitate eating.

"Your lunch is getting cold, kid." A raspy voice said.

An appalling visage materialized before the children. His scarred face only adding to the horror of his fashion choices.

Wendy struggled, but couldn't move. Her arms and legs were frozen, she could only move her jaw to shout, "Let us go!"

"Not a chance." Friedly said. "You're mine till the bell rings."

Soos whimpered, but didn't speak.

"Now, which one o' you eats first?" The apparition said. "String bean could use some fattening up, but I think big boy's getting hungry.

Mr. Friedly scooped up some gruel with his finger-spoon, and held it in front of Soos. Trembling, the boy opened his mouth, and the specter unceremoniously shoved the food inside.

"Eew." Soos grimaced, but opened up for another bite anyway.

This pattern continued until the boy's plate was empty. Friedly was baffled. No one had ever finished a whole tray before. Soos' stomach grumbled and he looked to the ghost hopefully. "You got any more, dude?"

"You- You like my cooking?" The spirit asked.

"Well…" The tween paused, trying to find the best way to phrase his answer. "Not really, but I haven't eaten since dinner, so I'll eat it."

Friedly's face fell. He was conflicted. The child didn't like his food, just like all the others, but he did ask for seconds. A full plate materialized in front of Soos. He'd feed this boy till he liked his cooking, or died.

Wendy was stunned. How could he eat that stuff? The smell alone was enough to make bile rise in the girl's throat. That's when she remembered one of the nights she'd had dinner at his house. Empanada night. She'd spent ten minutes under the kitchen faucet, trying to wash the spiciness off her tongue. That boy had a cast iron stomach, he ate floor-pizza and questionable salami without hesitation. The girl formed a plan, she just hoped her friends guts would hold out.

"Hey, what about me?" Wendy asked.

Friedly paused in his spoon-feeding, "What about you?"

"How am I supposed to eat without my hands?"

The ghost was shocked. Not just one kid, but _two_ were willing to eat his cooking? Could it be that he was finally being appreciated for the artist that he was? He waved his clawed hand, and Wendy's arms came free. She immediately grabbed the dreamcatcher and slammed it over the specter's head.

"What do we do now?" Soos asked.

"I donno. Wake up!" His friend shouted.

Both kids were able to move now. Mr. Friedly's entire torso was caught within a glowing net that expanded from the circle of wood around his waist.

"How do we do that?"

"I don't know, man! Just do it!" Wendy fought to keep hold of the struggling ghost.

"It's not working!" Soos shouted.

"I know! How do you wake up from a dream?"

"Uh, uh… Think of something scary!

"Scarier than holding an evil ghost you've just pissed off?"

"Okay, um… Think of Dipper!"

"What?" Wendy yelled, her cheeks tinting red. But it was too late, an apparition of the teenager walked across the room towards her.

"Now think of Pacifica!" Soos instructed.

"Wait, what?!"

The form of the heiress blocked the path of Wendy's dream boy. She reached out a perfectly manicured hand and caressed the twin's cheek. Glancing at the redhead with a smirk, Pacifica leaned forward and drew Dipper into a deep kiss.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Gah!" Wendy jolted awake with a squawk, jamming her elbow into Soos' ribs.

The two tweens saw Friedly, still struggling within the dreamcatcher. They grabbed the vials of anointed water, and tossed them at the specter. The ghost wailed and started to fade like smoke. When they were sure he was gone, the kids laid back in the armchair, breathing heavily.

Dipper and Mabel looked at their younger friends with wide eyes. They'd only seen half the fight, but the expressions on the exhausted duo were enough to tell them things got crazy.

"So… Is he gone?" Dipper asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so." Wendy answered.

The twins ushered the ghost harassers to the attic, and let them have their beds. The siblings would share the recliner for the rest of the night, and let the preteens get a proper sleep.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wendy finished her story and looked at the surrounding faces. The teens stared at her in silence.

"What?" The redhead asked self-consciously. "Was that not good?"

"How did you know I had dreams about Mr. Friedly when I was sick?" Candy asked.

"You dreamed about him too?" Gorney looked at the shorter girl.

"Wait. You guys had the same dream?" Grenda shouted, bewildered.

Wendy smiled shyly, "I never said I was telling a made up story."

The teens started chattering about how their sickness went away as soon as they stopped dreaming, and how Wendy and Soos had saved them. Even Pacifica was begrudgingly impressed (until she saw Dipper noogie the younger girl, then she turned away glowering).

Once they settled back down, the group of friends told more stories until they were chased out of the graveyard. It turned out to be a pretty good Summerween. Despite the lack of candy.

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22-10-11-14-21 17-10-2 11-14-14-23 3-1-8-18-23-16 3-24 13-1-14-2-2 13-18-25-25-14-1 18-23 13-1-10-16 15-24-1 3-17-14 25-10-2-3 15-18-5-14 8-14-10-1-2. 2-17-14 17-10-2 24-23-21-8 2-4-12-12-14-14-13-14-13 3-6-18-12-14.

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